#her birth and presence in my life is also the first thing that’s ever made me be like

[cowgurrrl]

It’s my goddaughters fifth birthday today and I’m so emotional about it?? Like this is the little girl who I’ve grown up with from the age of nineteen and now she’s this walking, talking, little person with opinions and she looks like me even though we share no DNA??? She acts like me even though we’re not related?? She likes the things I like and listens to the same music and she’s just the fucking coolest person alive and I’m 4,000+ miles away and can’t celebrate with her but I love her so so much there’s not a day that goes by where I don’t celebrate her existence??

[lylian333]

~Yandere emperor x reader~

warning: read at your own risk, traumatizing, dark historical shits, noncon, force, many misunderstandings,sexual harrest , angst ,age gap, everything here is quite insane, historical au, he's fucking crazy, killing, insults, English is not my first langue(if there's any warning I didn't put, tell me)

words:2180

(this is not my art I found it on Pinterest, and in the comment section it's said that it was made by AI so💀)

~~

Princess (y/n) Laurier has been best friends with Princess Alyssa Everett since you both were just 6 years old. You both have many things in common, such as interests, opinions, and much more.

You both would usually hang out around each other's kingdom; you don't have any issues with her except with her father, Emperor Edward Everett. He was the hottest, most handsome man you have ever met, and you still do now.

You have had a huge crush on him that felt like butterflies inside your stomach since the day you met him, but he always has that emotionless face and rarely smiles unless at his wife, your best friend's mother. You know this from Princess Alyssa; she would complain about how cold and serious he is.

You still ignore those and try getting to know him, but he just looks annoyed or just straight-up ignores you, but you ignore it and still continue liking him. Not only that, you're not the only one; it's obvious that everyone that has met him, females and even males, all drool for him.

You still have some sense in you, and you also have to respect the Everett queen and Princess Alyssa since she is your best friend. You can't just let some love ruin the relationship you both had. You can't. She is like a sister to you. She helps you when you're confused; she protects and defends you when you were getting laughed at; she is there when you needed someone the most. It's not worth losing a relationship like this, and so your liking toward his father slowly dies down.

But things change when you grow up and start having features and curves and in the end, you become a gorgeous woman, many people are jealous of you even Princess Alyssa confesses to you about it and some desperately want you. You reject all of them since none of them are worthy of you, and you're disinterested in them.

Your intense gaze and soft complexion, with your structured face and striking presence, are on par with an iconic beauty, paired with the warmth and softness in your expression, which are very delicate. You would struggle to not look at yourself when there is a mirror.

You still have some feelings toward Emperor Edward, but you manage to hide it and be able to not think about him when talking to him.

The worst thing that could have happened was that the Queen of Everett died from childbirth while trying to give birth to the heir to the throne, but it went to a disaster. It was devastating news to hear from everyone.

The emperor was absolutely devastated and even despised the child. From that moment on he would never talk to anyone unless it was part of a duty, but other than that he would ignore the servant's advisers and even his own kids, which left Princess Alyssa depressed since she had to bear her mother's death, her father's coldness, and the baby boy that her mother lost her life to.

That week she came crying to you when you came to visit her and attended the funeral of the Everett Queen death. You decide to stay at Everett Palace for a few months before going back to Laurier Kingdom.

You promised Princess Alyssa that you'd take care of her and her baby brother, and so you did. After all, back at your kingdom and your family, you have 6 siblings, plus you, and you are the third eldest, which makes you the middle You have experience with babies after the experience of you sibling that you swear are more naughtyer when you take care of them.

In those months of staying, Emperor noticed that you had to take care of the baby boy and Princess Alyass when he found you singing a lullaby for them to fall asleep.

At that moment something in him awoke, something dark, horrible, and disgusting. He knew this was wrong, but who was there to stop him? Not even himself could do that.

From that moment on, he would try getting close to you and getting to know you better; by that, he would call you into his office or into his chamber. When talking, he would get close to you, too close, to the point that he's invading your personal space by burying his face in your hair, breathing in that sweet, gentle scent, or sucking and biting your earlobe.

You knew this was wrong. You both knew this was wrong, but you guys still continued. Your brain keeps telling you to stop and that this is your best friend's father, but your gut tells you to continue. For your best friend Princess Alyssa's sake.

At one of those meetings, you confess to him that you don't want to continue these "meetings" to respect your best friend Alyssa and her baby brother Prince James.

But when he hears that you swear you could feel the air getting tense and his face looks tense as well, and with clenched fists, he looks like he could kill someone that might have been you or others.

He then pushes you onto his office desk and forcefully rips your clothes off. All you can remember that day was just horror, pure fucking horror. It haunts your dreams, memories, and everything that you see that can somehow be related to the day you and he were together.

The cherry on top is Emperor Endward sends an arranged marriage to your kingdom between you both; you pray that your parents would reject this offer, but no. Instead, they accept it and send you a letter telling you the reasons that this could help our kingdom very much and this could give you a better future and more, but all you care about is that you're trapped with him. They also added in that they would be unable to see because of the distance of the two kingdoms and that it is time to set you free.

Oh, how you wish it were true to let you spread your wings and have your own freedom.

You hated everything, mostly yourself. You hated yourself for not being more alert and not telling anyone, not even your own family or close ones; you—you can't even describe the feeling that you're feeling at that point. You quite literally were disgusted by yourself.

You cry all day long to the point where Princess Alyssa hears it and finds you, and you vomit out all the things that happened while still crying. You wish the earth could just eat you whole, make you disappear from the earth, from this world, from this life.

You keep pressuring yourself that this is your fault for days till your hair has a few strands of white hair that you have noticed.

The wedding was within the week, and you both got married and wed. That very day and night of the "honeymoon," he slams you against the bed carelessly and forcibly spears open your legs with his hand while another pins both your head on top of your head.

You whisper near your ear,True to be told, I have actually noticed that since you were just a little girl, you always had a crush on me, so technically you wanted this to happen, so don't cry like last time, dear."

Your eyes go wide when you hear that he actually noticed. He knows that you have no words—absolutely no words.

That night was as horrible and traumatizing as the night you both had together. Princess Alyssa personally tries to help you escape; even after the marriage, she still supports you, even knowing the fact you are technically her stepmother.

But she accepted you, and you were quite stunned at how she handled the situation. Even though it was like hell, she still helped, whether by holding you while you were crying or whatever she was still there. It felt like she was starting to take care of you instead of you taking care of her like how you first promised.

In one of the many attempts of you trying to escape and her helping you with it, you both were caught, and Emperor Edward decided to punish you by isolating you and sentencing Princess Alyssa to be beheaded, his own daughter.

And you were forbidden to give her any visits after the situation. You didn't get the chance to even give her the last hug or talk or anything, not even a goodbye. You even threatened to kill yourself if he didn't allow you to see her, but he just laughs at you and tells the guards to throw you inside a dungeon where there's nothing, not even a window, so you have to rely on the fire outside.

Just like that, she's gone forever. You cry for days and refuse to eat, sleep, or even drink. The king himself has to personally force-feed you so that you don't die. You even scream and beat him as hard as you can in rage whenever you see him, but he just stands there, not unbothered. You might as well think that he doesn't even care or feel anything anymore, no remorse, no nothing, just disgusting lovesick eyes looking at you.

"I just can't get enough of you, love~"

Your life goes on until you have had enough, like enough one more year of this. You seriously don't think you want to be reincarnated into another life. You desperately want to feel things instead of being trapped in the shared chamber all day long, only allowed to go out to the garden for 1 hour to get fresh air with a few ladies in waiting and your own trusted servants near you to keep being aware of you and make sure you're not doing anything harmful to yourself or escaping.

You came up with the stupidest and most shameful idea. You decide to frame yourself for cheating on Emperor Edward and confess to him that you cheated. Making up fake clues for others to notice and gossip about, but the emperor refuses to believe it, so you told him personally.

"I cheated on you, Edward."

"You must be joking, dear. How would you even be able to do that, hm?"

but you just keep repeating the sentence, "I cheated on you."

This makes him overthink and triggers him, and he ends up struggling with you to death in the process. You still keep repeating the sentence, which forces him to grip your neck even harder till you are no longer breathing—not even a single movement, just soulless eyes staring straight.

When he realized that it was too late and there was no turning back, he let go of your neck, and you collapsed onto the ground, dead. He kneeled down next to you; finally, at this moment, he felt guilty for everything. He reflected on the things he had done to you, the amount of damage. Why didn't he think about this earlier? Maybe that could help him.

No, it's your fault for cheating on him. How dare you filthy women cheat on an emperor that has done everything for her sake? To this day he still blames you, but part of him does regret not caring what you felt and thought. He only treated you like a toy, a glass doll that would easily be broken. But he just couldn't help but love you with all his might, even if it meant hurting you.

He tried to keep your body from decomposing and rotting and would soak you in water to slow down the decomposing. He even went mad and brought you to the throne room for events, dressed you properly, stuffed you with cotton to keep you looking more alive, and said to others, "My wife is doing well; look at her, she's such a sleepy head; look at her sleeping, hehe…"

Sadly, eventually, he had no other choice but to finally bury you because your body was decomposing and smelling really bad. At the funeral, he gives a speech on how she was in his life and how he can't believe she died before him from 'sickness' and oh how sad he was and how he saw her glowing up into an elegant woman and more.

Prince James also gave a speech about how you try helping out, that he always sees her as a mother figure, and how (y/n) has always tried her best. He was innocent in all of these; as well, he even balled his eyes out when he found out that you died.

At the very last moment of seeing your face, he cupped your cheek one last time.

"Oh, how much I will miss you oh how I wish that I could go with you as well, but it's fine you don't need to worry love In my will, when I die, I'm going to be buried right next to you." He says that while chuckling while feeling remorse.

~~

omg, there are so many things I want to comment on but erm yeah this is how it is??? it could have been worse

[silencesscreams]

"is there any chance i can fix this?" where james and reader are best friends since birth but he begins to pull away and spend less time with her in favor of the boys, so she just cuts him out of her life and after a while he doesn't know how to deal with it anymore. hiiiii

sad beautiful tragic

james potter x fem reader (angst)

a/n: sorry about any grammar mistakes, english isn’t my first language (also i’m pretty bad at writing angst but i tried my best) also immediately thought of the title because of the taylor swift song, so hope you don’t mind the association. also the first kiss part came to my mind because of a tiktok i saw a few weeks ago but i don’t really remember who’s it was to credit them

warnings: friendship distancing, kissing, fighting, cursing, a bit short (sorry), happy ending

“i’m sorry, okay? i’m so sorry, honey, please. is there any chance i can fix this? just tell me, please”

you knew james potter and he knew you. knowing meaning comprehending each other, meaning that you stood by each others side for as long as you can remember.

he was your first friend. he was your neighbor and you both grew up together, it was expected that you both would know each other better than anyone.

sure, it felt different when you both started hogwarts and suddenly he had new friends, but so did you. you spent the time you could together, always saving a bit of your days for each other.

during the sixth to seventh year summer vacation, he had spent the whole summer with you, you both would hang out all the time.

until he kissed you.

it was the last day of summer and you both had spent the evening in his room. you were talking about a book you had been reading recently and he listened quietly, like it was the most interesting thing he had ever heard of. until you paused for a brief moment and he moved closer to you. you were sat on the floor with him, the carpet tickling your legs as you played with the fluffy yarn under you.

“honey” he said, you looked at him, doe eyed waiting for him to continue. “a phrase. two words, six letters, two vowels. guess.” he said lowly whilst looking at your lips. your mind went blank.

one vowel for each word. you still didn’t get it.

“what are the vowels?” you whisper back, he smiles.

“i and e” he answers, not taking his eyes from off of you for a second. you knew.

“kiss me?” and so he did. his lips met yours abruptly, his hands grabbed your hips and yours went straight to the back of his neck. it completely changed the way you ever saw him, hell, it completely changed your expectations to a kiss. it was better than anything you’d ever experienced and you loved it.

when you got back to school, it seemed like he didn’t do that, actually, it seemed like he didn’t even talk to you the whole summer.

sure, he did casually say hello in the halls and you might’ve shared one or two conversations, but what the hell? he kisses you like that and expects you to just forget about it? that was the most fucked up thing anyone could’ve done. as the semester went on, your mind was absolutely torturing you over that kiss.

it made you overthink every single thing you ever did around him. but maybe he didn't have time, maybe he was really busy with his studies and quidditch, right? that was probably it.

he saw you every once in a while, said an awkward hi or whatever that thing signaling head thing he did was.

the crush you had developed for him didn’t help at all. it made you crave his presence in your life, even now that you hated him more than you ever thought you possibly could. you missed his pet names for you, ‘honey’ and ‘sweetheart’ sounded so amazing coming out of his mouth.

but from the moment he started to ignore you, you decided he was absolutely done. he was never going to see a smile coming from you ever again, he was never going to get another hello, nothing. james potter didn’t deserve a single thing from you.

your friends agreed. they thought he was a piece of shit and said you should’ve cut him off a long time before.

life went on without him, you barely thought about him. your studies were going well, everything was great.

christmas break came up and when you saw james at the train station, you were pissed. you knew he was going to be there for christmas dinner, he was always invited alongside with his family. you didn’t know how he was going to act then, was he going to pretend it never happened?

when you got home, your mother instantly started asking you what you wanted for dinner and you were glad to be home, you just hated that he was in the house next to yours.

a few nights after you both got home, you were invited for a date by steven, who worked at a bookstore near the city park. you said yes, he took you to see a shitty movie and tried to kiss you after dropping you off at your front porch. you dodged it and gave him a good night kiss on the cheek. james saw it all.

once the date left, you heard him yelling from his porch:

“who’s that?” you ignored him and went inside, sure, you weren’t going to see steven again but james didn’t deserve to know that.

on christmas day you went to the potter’s for dinner, your parents insisted for you to go, even though you tried to fake being sick. sirius was there too, you politely greeted all of them and didn’t bother to answer james’ “hey”.

when you sat at the side of the living room table james sat next to you, even though that wasn’t his usual seat. you played with your dress awkwardly and ate less, being there was making you so irritated you lost your appetite.

after taking a bite from your dessert, you thanked euphemia for the food and told your parents you were feeling a bit sick and that you were heading home, telling them to enjoy the rest of their night.

as you were opening the door to head out, you heard footsteps behind you. you knew james was there and you had no interest to talk with him.

“don’t” you simply stated, stepping out and shutting the door lightly on him, he followed you during the small walk between both your houses.

“hey!” he shouted, trying to get your attention. you were about to shut the door to your house on his face, but he held it with his foot, going into your house.

he pulled you by your wrist but you tugged it away from him.

“don’t touch me!” you shouted at him, staring into his eyes for the first time that night.

“now you can talk to me, huh? ‘the fucks up with you?!” he shouts back, brows furrowed. you couldn’t believe him, what a fucking nerve he had.

“whats up with YOU?!” you step closer to him, throwing your keys on the coffee table in the middle of the living room. “you’ve ignored me for the whole semester and now you wanna talk?” he had never seen you like this. you had never been this angry at anyone or anything around him.

“i’m sorry?” he had no reaction, he knew he was wrong, he just couldn’t deal with it. with anything. he didn’t know what to do after he kissed you, he couldn’t handle any of it. he knew that if he spent more time around you he would fall harder, he couldn’t risk it.

“i’m sorry! now that you don’t have anyone else near for you to talk to, i’m worthy of your attention? i’m so lucky, right?!” your eyes started to tear up, but you held it in, he was not getting to see you cry.

“honey, i’m sorry i didn’t talk much with you these past few months, but i tried to speak with you tonight and you didn’t even bother to answer me!” he ran his hand through his hair, looking at you as you sat down on the couch, staring at your hands.

“you didnt even look at me. the entire fucking night. one lousy ‘hey’ is not trying to do anything” he handed you a piece of paper, it was crumpled up in his jeans’ pocket. you knew he was bad with words, but the paper was written front and back. what was he even trying to do? did he think a letter was enough to fix the damage he had done?

“really? you’re a little too late for this, don’t you think?” you said, looking at him angrily.

“fine, don’t read it then. just keep it, okay?” he knew you were about to cry. it was the worst feeling he had ever felt.

“you don’t get to do this to me, james” you hold back tears once you say it.

“i know, honey, i know” he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, cupping your face as you try to not melt because of his touch. he kisses you, but this time you pull away.

“no. don’t do this to me” you say, a single tear streaming down your face, he wipes it off but more tears just keep coming

“im sorry, im so sorry for everything i did and-“ you interrupt him.

“could you just try to listen?!” you shout, pulling away from his touch again. “what makes you think that i want this? after all you did, better, all that you didn’t do?! you kiss me and expect me to forget about it? expect me to be okay with you ignoring me all the time just because you kissed me again? i can’t be okay with any of this unless you actually explain to me what happened. i really try to understand you, but all of this doesn’t help!”

“i love you” he says “i have loved you all my life and i didn’t know, after i kissed you it all hit me and i couldn’t trust myself around you anymore, i didn’t want to hurt you so i pulled away, i just didn’t know it would hurt you more like that. i’m sorry, but im here now and i want to show you how much I do love you” he pauses and sits next to you on the couch.

“i’m sorry, okay? i’m so sorry, honey, please. is there any chance i can fix this? just tell me, please” he wipes the tears from off your face again. you knew he meant it, you just didn’t know how to trust him again.

“i don’t know” you whisper, looking into his eyes, you had never seen him look this sad. you wanted to trust him, you really did, but how could you? how could you know he wasn’t going to pull something like that again?

you couldn’t be sure of anything, you could only hope for the best and be careful. so you gave it a shot.

“come here” you say lowly, pulling him in for a hug. he buried his face in the crook of your neck and gave you small kisses.

“i’m so sorry, baby” he whispered.

“i know” you whisper back, he looks at you and gives you quick kisses all over your face. you can’t help but smile.

it was going to take a while for you to trust him again, but you knew you could.

[belovedmuichiro]

I saw a post once that entertained the idea of Tsutako being in the background of Sanemi’s hometown in the anime, and it got me thinking about a sanegiyuu childhood meet cute.

…

- When Giyuu was 13, he took a trip with Tsutako to a neighboring city where her fiancé had come from

- Though Giyuu was a much friendlier person as a child, he was still quiet, reserved and nervous. As a result, being in a bigger city was overwhelming and he struggled to keep up with Tsutako as they walked

- Before they could reach her fiancé’s home, Giyuu was separated from her in a crowd

- Without any people skills to speak of or the confidence to ask for help, Giyuu let the crowd swallow him up until he found a small spot he could cower in

- He ended up hiding under the stairs of a shrine where nobody could see him. He cried so quietly, nobody could possibly hear him either, but a boy did miraculously find him

- The boy was strikingly beautiful with stark white hair and piercing eyes. His presence made Giyuu stop crying almost immediately, but only because he was mesmerized.

- When the boy spoke, he was blunt and sort of rude but Giyuu hung onto every word he said as if he was a kind spirit come to save him

- “You cry like my little siblings,” he observed. It was a simple, random sort of thing to say but it perplexed Giyuu so much that he didn’t cry any longer

- Giyuu learned that this particular shrine is where the boy would find one of his brothers hiding, so when he saw Giyuu curled up, he thought something might’ve happened to him

- Giyuu reluctantly explained he was separated from Tsutako while visiting. In truth, he wasn’t sure if he should trust a stranger but they were clearly of a similar age and that put him at ease compared to an adult

- The boy gave Giyuu a small canteen of water before they could continue because the crying had obviously overwhelmed him. He then asked for the fiancé’s name, which he scowled upon hearing, surprisingly knowing the person

- “Is that bad?” Giyuu nervously asked

- “He’s one of the sons of our landlord,” the boy explained, “He’s fine. His family’s a buncha dicks.”

- Profanities aside, Giyuu asked if he could lead him there, and the boy agreed

- “What did his family do?” Giyuu asked on the way

- “Their kid brother said some shit about my family bein’ too big and my brother got into a fight with him about it.”

- “How big is your family?”

- “Nine of us. I have six siblings.”

- Giyuu learned that his mother had just given birth, which prompted the rude comment from their landlord’s son. He also had a father who he didn’t want to talk about on account of him angering some violent people

- Though the boy didn’t seem terribly interested in prying into Giyuu’s life, he still asked, “What about you?”

- “I just have my sister. My parents died when I was young.”

- “Lucky you have a sister.”

- “Yes… I’m Giyuu, by the way.”

- For a moment, the boy looked hesitant to give anymore details about himself, but must’ve decided he doesn’t have much to lose.

- “Sanemi.”

- On the way to the landlord’s home, it began to rain so Sanemi pulled Giyuu aside near a food stall to wait it out.

- Giyuu, as luck would have it, did have a small amount of money on him and suggested they share a meal.

- Sanemi agreed, not letting on that he rarely has enough money to ever eat out. However, Giyuu became curious when Sanemi awkwardly held his food at his side and wouldn’t take a bite.

- He didnt want to admit it, but his plan was to pocket whatever Giyuu bought him to bring home to his family. He wasn’t going to tell Giyuu, but the boy’s earnest, honest face pulled it out of him

- In response, Giyuu bought him another and asked that he feed himself as well

- When Sanemi finally did eat, Giyuu smiled for the first time. It flustered Sanemi, who quickly learned he couldn’t handle a pretty face

- When the rain ended, people came flooding to the streets in overwhelming numbers that scared Giyuu again

- To reassure him, Sanemi grabbed his hand and returned his earlier smile, promising he’ll be okay as long as they stick together

- Giyuu took to Sanemi with awe. The crowd was still scary, but Giyuu grounded himself in the feeling of his companion’s hand and trusted his word.

- Eventually they did find themselves at the landlord’s house. Most of the family was out looking for Giyuu, but luckily Tsutako stayed and was there to greet him.

- This was also a relief to Sanemi, who wasn’t sure he would be able to resist driving his fist into the face of the boy who fought with Genya

- Sanemi intended to leave with no commotion, just an odd empty feeling at the notion of leaving his new acquaintance, but Giyuu stopped him

- “Thank you for helping me,” he said with much more confidence than the first time he spoke. “You’re very kind, Sanemi.”

- Sanemi, flustered, shrugged and promised it was no problem. “Couldn’t just leave ya there…”

- “Maybe we’ll see each other again.”

- When Giyuu said this, he held onto the hope that because Tsutako new husband had close ties to Sanemi’s, they would surely meet again one day

- It was hard to explain but Giyuu felt drawn to Sanemi, like he was a special person he was meant to meet

- Of course, he couldn’t predict the tragedy that would befall both of them

- Years later, long after Tsutako and the Shinazugawa family were murdered, Sanemi was welcomed into the Hashira and finally met Giyuu again

- Only this time, he was quiet and cold. He didn’t give any indication that he remembered Sanemi and didn’t have any of the kindness he was full of as a child. Sanemi decided that he must’ve turned into a conceited ass with no time for the little people, he probably didn’t even remember him.

- But it was impossible for Giyuu to forget who Sanemi was. Even under all the scars and curses, he was still the boy who saved him that day. But Giyuu knew they had fundamentally changed as people, and clearly Sanemi wanted nothing to do with him any longer

- Unfortunately for them, the draw remains there no matter how far apart they try to drift.

[missarchive]

Okay, here's a fun plot! Hannibal x reader who has never travelled in a day of her life. Like all she's ever done is road trips and such. So when he wants to make plans to visit Italy again (I can imagine he likes revisiting his roots for reflection and just enjoying the art), it's a really daunting thing for her. Alternatively, he books the flight without telling her, maybe he knows about her lack of experience, maybe he does not, wink wink. And he can get that ego boost of helping a sweet S/O on her first trip.

Bonus points of the reader is scared of flying AHAHAHHAH

Thanks you!!!

I am also deathly scared of flying 😖 poor poor reader

cw; fear of flying, literally nothing else just fluff, hannibal being a gentleman

You loved Hannibal. You really did. But when he slid the sleek black folder across the breakfast table, his words silky and precise, you felt your stomach plummet as though you were already 30,000 feet in the air.

"I’ve taken the liberty of arranging a short reprieve in Florence for us," he said, his dark eyes locking onto yours with the satisfaction of a man who had just executed a perfect plan.

You blinked down at the itinerary, your pulse quickening as the words “First Class – Florence” stared back at you. First class or not, this was a flight. An international flight. Your palms began to sweat.

“Hannibal…” you started, unsure how to voice the jumble of fear and hesitation swirling in your mind. “I—I’ve never flown before. I’ve never even been out of the country.”

His brow quirked, the faintest sign of surprise in his otherwise serene expression. “Is that so?” His voice was laced with intrigue, but there was no mockery, no condescension.

You nodded, looking down at your lap. “I’ve only ever done road trips. The thought of flying… it’s just…” You trailed off, hoping he’d understand without needing further explanation.

He rose from his chair, moving to your side with a grace that only Hannibal could manage. His hand settled lightly on your shoulder, his touch as reassuring as it was firm. “My dear, it seems I shall have the distinct privilege of introducing you to the skies. Fear is natural, but you needn’t face it alone.”

His words were warm, soothing. But as much as you trusted him, the idea of hurtling through the air in a metal tube still made your chest tighten.

When the day arrived, you were a bundle of nerves. Hannibal, ever the epitome of calm, had everything prepared. He handled the check-in process with ease, and before you knew it, you were settled into the plush first-class seat, the hum of the engines already making your pulse race.

“I’ve taken the liberty of requesting chamomile tea for you,” Hannibal said, handing you a steaming cup. “It’s quite effective in soothing the nerves.”

You took it with a grateful, albeit shaky, smile. He leaned in closer, his voice low and intimate. “Remember, this is merely the beginning of a journey. Allow yourself to savor the experience. Focus on the discovery, not the apprehension.”

You nodded, clutching the tea like a lifeline. But as the engines roared to life and the plane began to ascend, panic bubbled in your chest. Your hand gripped the armrest until Hannibal’s found it, his fingers curling around yours with steady reassurance.

“Breathe,” he murmured, his thumb brushing against your knuckles. “You are safe.”

You focused on his voice, his presence anchoring you as the plane leveled out. Slowly, the tightness in your chest eased, and you dared to look out the window. The sight of clouds stretching endlessly across the sky was oddly calming.

“You’re doing beautifully,” Hannibal said, his tone tinged with pride.

The first glimpse of Florence took your breath away. Hannibal guided you through the city with the ease of someone deeply familiar with its every corner. He pointed out hidden frescoes and whispered stories of the Medici family as you wandered through cobblestone streets.

At the Uffizi Gallery, he lingered beside Botticelli’s The Birth of Venus, his gaze reverent. “Do you see how her form embodies both vulnerability and power?” he asked, his hand lightly brushing your back. "She's much like you."

You nodded, the awe in your chest mirrored in his. For the first time, you understood why he loved this city.

As the days passed, your fear of flying became a distant memory, replaced by the wonder of experiencing a world so different from your own. Hannibal reveled in your transformation, his pride evident in the small smiles he gave when you tried a new dish or eagerly asked him about a piece of art.

On your final evening, you turned to him as the sun set over the Arno River, painting the city in gold. “Thank you,” you said softly. “For everything. For bringing me here. For being patient with me.”

His gaze softened, and he took your hand in his. “It is I who should thank you, my dear. It is a rare gift to guide someone through their first steps into a larger world. And I am honoured to be the one by your side.”

[freebouquetobservation]

Father's fears

Hwang In-ho (father), Hwang Jun-Ho (uncle)

You are a 17-year-old teenager. The only thing you knew was that your mother died during childbirth, which is probably why you earned the hatred and repudiation of your father, Hwang In-Ho.

Although your uncle Jun-Ho told you it really wasn't your fault; your mother was simply unhealthy and suffered from severe liver cirrhosis. The pregnancy weakened her, and that's why she died.

When you were 2 months old, In-Ho sent you to live with his brother and mother. Leaving you for many years, with no memory of who he was. You only knew Hwang Jun-Ho as your father, even though he himself told you he wasn't.

At 16, you received the best gift anyone could have given you. You had your own comfortable car, your favorite color, with your own license and your own space.

In-Ho, from the age of 14, began stalking you and gathering information about you. In some way or another, he wanted to feel the paternal instinct for the first time and fix the abandonment that had marked your life. He just didn't know how to do it.

Like the rebellious, carefree teenager you were once being, you ran away from home to a party with your friends.

You drank a lot of alcohol. And you offered to drive your friends in your car. It was the first serious mistake you now remember.

The party ended in a tragic crash, and now your friends, and especially you, were hovering between life and death.

In-ho couldn't bear to lose another person in his life. First it was his father, then his wife. And he hoped the next person wouldn't be you.

In the middle of the night, In-ho came to visit you with other Squid Game soldiers. He traveled across the island to the hospital where you were in an induced coma.

"You can't leave me."

Was the only thing he said when he saw your body covered in medical equipment and a machine that ticked off the long beeps of your miserable life.

In-ho just sighed and sat down next to you. Staring at you in a way that gave you the creeps. I'd kill whoever made that car, even if it was your fault. The car was probably broken.

He planned everything. He even found it funny that his idea to get you out of this place was more planned than your birth.

It started with a false fire alarm. Being a damn psychopath, he didn't care about scaring the other families and hospitalized people. When everyone left, with the help of his staff, he took you to the island.

You had everything: your own room, personal doctor, and personal maid. Everything for his princess.

And when your health declined again, he killed the doctor who was caring for you and brought in three more.

After two months of agony and fear, you were stable. Your health no longer depended on a machine, although your bone injuries were obviously not the same.

The first time you spoke, it was so awkward and difficult to interpret.

"So you're my father?"

You murmured from your bed, slightly dazed by the flurry of news. But In-ho simply nodded.

"I am."

"What will happen to my Uncle Jun-ho?"

You interrupted, worried that your father figure might know about this.

"He knows everything."

He lied, even though Jun-ho is probably desperate to find you and him, his older brother.

As time passed, you adapted to his presence and probably now saw him as your new father figure.

He helped you with everything, took you to the bathroom, brought you your food, and obviously forbade you from leaving during the games that took place on the island.

Basically, he was the best father you could ever know. He spoiled you but also corrected you. And he usually gave you gifts every time you did something right.

Although being on the island wasn't a relief. You still had to miss school, and In-ho hired you a private tutor, so you had seven intensive hours of classes.

[ostensiblynone]

Liam Interview - Uncut Magazine | April 2000

[Part 1 March 2000]

Rumours of Liam Gallagher's transformation into a drug'n'drink free rock'n'roll saint have been greatly exaggerated. He's just as foul mouthed and furious as ever, as Carol Clerk found out when she met him for Part 2 of Uncut's Oasis special.

The location is London's flashy Landmark Hotel, a place where palm trees loom over drinkers in the lobby and there's a better class of toiletry in your bathroom. We meet in a private suite, not long before Christmas. Liam Gallagher enters, perfectly, in a flurry of swearing about "fucking caffeine" and "fucking cocaine." He's not the tallest man in the world, but his presence is colossal. He orders tea from room service, sits on the opposite side of a small table and stretches his legs.

The things you notice first are the things that become transfixing, the tinted glasses, of course; the tuft of mischievous, Rod Stewart sprigs at the top of a head of newly washed hair; the drawstrings dangling down his pants; the parka done up to its fur trimmed neck.

During the next hour, Liam is everything you want him to be, and a few things you never expected. By turns, he's impatient, angry, indignant, uncompromising, confessional and confrontational. He's driven, passionate to bursting point about everything that Oasis were, are and will be.

He's also suprising intense, hanging on to every word of every question as though he can barely wait to leap into his answers.

Exhibiting none of his brother's diplomacy, Liam smiles rarely and is quite oblivious to everything except the thoughts that must be uttered. That they are rising directly from his emotions says everything about qualities like honesty and honour.

Which is why Liam Gallagher, important beyond Oasis, is the only proper rock star in this country.

He is the living, breathing, ranting, raving spirit of rock 'n' roll.

---------------

How has your life changed since your son Lennon was born? I'm probably still in shock, you know what I mean, cos he's just a baby at the moment. I suppose he has changed my life, but not as in cleaned it - changed it, you know what I mean? He's just made me aware that I can't be what I used to be.

Have you seen any changes in yourself as a person? Little bits, little bits yeah. Well, I packed in the booze for a start.

Do you think you might have become a nicer person? Yeah, I am a bit nicer, yeah. I'm nice round him. I've always been a nice person, you know. I have bad days, but I've always been a pleasant kind of guy.

Is anything bigger than having a baby? No. It's gotta be the best thing. That's what we're here for, innit?

Were you at the birth? Yeah, oh aye. We were still recording, and I got in a car and came home. And like, it was a month early, the baby, and I got a call saying I gotta go to the hospital and I was like, 'Fucking hell'.. . and she was there, having these pains and that stuff. And then he [the doctor] goes, 'Right, get your gear on.' I was like, 'Oh, what gear?"'

The hospital clothes! Were you shocked at how quickly everything was happening? "Yeah, I was pretty shocked. I was shitting it, actually. But it was good. I was there at the birth.

What did you feel like when you looked at Lennon for the first time? "I don't know. I can't explain it. Just buzzing. And I were a bit worried and all, make sure he was all right. But no, it was great.

How is your mum enjoying her first grandchild? She doesn't like me anymore. She don't come down to visit me. And I'll tell you how it's changed me, how it has changed, yeah, is that before he was born, I was the most important person in my world. You know, I did what I wanted. I'm not the most important person in my world any more. He is.

You have to put yourself second. Yeah, yeah, oh definitely. And it's like with me mam, I mean, she goes, 'Oh, I'm coming down next week,' and, I'm, 'Well, you know, I'm not gonna be here,'and she's going, 'I don't want to see you. I want to see him.'

Have you written "Little Lennon" yet? I've wrote one about him. 'Born On A Different Cloud' it's called, but I've not finished it, though.

Are we going to hear it one day? Yeah. When it's finished, yeah. It's good, man. On the piano and that.

Do you write on the piano? I have been doing. But see, I can't really play it that well. I can do little bits, you know what I mean? I can get a tune out of it, but then I can't get a change. I leave that up to Noel. I get the gist of it and then I get the change in my head and I know how it's meant to go. It's just the way I write. I'll need help with it."

Noel polishes it up for you. Yeah. Like with 'Little James'. With writing and that, I'm just doing it for myself at the moment. My main role is singing, and if I get a little song, every now and again, that's fine. And if Noel likes it, that's fine. And if he don't like it, I'm big enough to go, 'Right, cool. it's shit.'

Getting back to Lennon, there's been a lot of interest in his name. Did you see Paul McCartney on The Big Breakfast saying that he hopes his son has a boy and names him Lennon so he can be called Lennon McCartney? I heard about it. Yeah, I thought it was amusing....but the funny thing about that is, I just got a phone call off Yoko Ono last night. She rang me.

What did she say? She wants to meet me next week. She's staying in Claridges. What happened, she sent us this card about a week after he was born, like a little postcard with pictures - John Lennon used to draw pictures of him, her and Sean - and it's got, 'From the Lennon family'. It's got, 'To Lennon, welcome to the world, love, love, Iove, Yoko 99.' So I was fucking freaked, I was going 'Fucking hell', went and showed it to everyone ...

Then a big box of baby clothes come from New York, 'cos she's doing online baby gear for kids and that. I was thinking, 'Fuckin' hell, I'm gonna have to write a thank you letter.' "So now I'm thinking, How the fuck ... [scratches head and mimes trying to write a letter]

'Dear Yoko' . . . And I went, 'Fuck it, I can't write that!' I didn't just want to write, like, 'Thank you for the clothes,' I wanted to write a bit more without sounding like a fucking knobhead. So then I left it at that, and she's in London now and so we were rehearsing yesterday and I got this call saying,'She wants to meet you.'

So I got back last night and I rang her, the number was there, I got straight through. I said, 'Is that Yoko?' She said, 'Yeah, who's that?' Oh, it's Liam.' She goes 'I'm in London for a bit.' I said, 'Anyway, thanks for all the gear you sent.'

"She goes, 'Oh, the reason why I'm ringing is I'm getting more footage on John, like, Lennon when they were doing Imagine [for Gimme Some Truth, the new film about the making of the album]. She's in Abbey Road next week, but I'm away in America. She goes, 'I wanted you to come and see it.' I said 'oh, I'm not going to be here.' She goes, 'oh, I'll send it to you anyway for Christmas and that.' She goes, 'But I'm back soon and if you want to come over for tea and biscuits and that, and bring the baby, I'd love it.

Have you changed your opinion of her? "I never had an opinion on her. I'm not one of them who goes,'Oh, she split The Beatles.'They split themselves up, you know what I mean? She seemed dead nice on the phone and, like, listen, I love him, I've got respect for him, and I'm sure he was a cunt, he had his moments, but if he was into her, then they're both the same person, I reckon. I'm not one of them who goes, 'That fucking Yoko.' I've got no problems.

Was it a challenging experience, working outside Oasis for the first time, with Steve Cradock on the "Carnation" single? Well, I was a bit scared, you know what I mean? I didn't do it to be a single or anything like that. It was in Sweden or somewhere, I think, with Ocean Colour Scene when they supported us, and we were pissed and we was going on about the fucking Jam things. The Jam are all right, you know what I mean, but I was too young for them...

I never thought of you as a massive Jam fan. No, I'm not. But I like some of the tracks, and I like Weller now. So we were speakin' about The Jam and mods and all this nonsense, so I went, 'oh, "Carnation" is the fucking best tune,' and Steve goes, 'Oh, that's my favourite tune. I'd love to do a cover of it one day.'

"So anyway, he went away and done this version and sent me a tape. He goes, 'I'm in London next week - do you want to sing on it?' I was going, 'Oh fuck that,' so I kept ignoring his phone calls, and Patsy's going, 'Ring him back.' I'm going,'No, 'cos I can't sing with anyone else, you know, I've never done it before.

I ended up, I got my fucking shit together and I went down there to Primal Scream's studio and we done it in the afternoon. And that was it. And no one ever mentioned putting out [the Jam tribute album] Fire And Skill. I don't even think that was thought of.

So the track existed before the idea of the album. Yeah. Yeah. And that was, like, done last year [1998].

How was it different to working with Oasis? Just length in trousers, I reckon. Ours are 34 legs, theirs are, like, fucking up there (points to calf), 'cos they're mods and they like to show their ankles.

Once it was released as a single, did you want a Number One? No. No. I was gonna do Top Of The Pops and all that, 'cos we were getting back into the Oasis thing and I thought, 'Yeah, fucking, why not?' And then I thought, 'Well, it's a good song, I'm well happy with it, it's better than anything else around at the moment.' If it had gone in at number one, yeah, great, but I get Number Ones with Oasis. Once you've had a Number One, you've had a Number One, you know. I'd have been disappointed if it hadn't got in the Top 10, only 'cos it was a good song.

Noel got involved in your TV appearances. Was he there to give you moral support or was he there as a mate of Paul Weller and Steve Cradock? He was gagging for it. No, he was just there for the piss up, you know what I mean? It's a gathering, of the lads, leave the wives at home, have a good drink...

A lads' night out, really That's what it was.

When Bonehead left Oasis, the papers said he'd had a row with Noel over Bonehead's drinking in France, where you were recording the album. Is there any truth in that? Not really, no. The thing was, right, no one turned round to anyone specifically and said,'Look, there's no drinking' except for Noel with me. We were rehearsing the album a week before we went to France, and every fucking two minutes I was in the pub, and every time we'd have a break, I'd go 'fuck that,' go to the pub. And everyone was sitting about, fuckin' listening to it back, and I'd just go to the pub. And then I'd come back, do a bit more rehearsing, and I'd be a bit pissed up, and then a little argument would fucking start and that, so basically, the call was for me. Noel goes, 'Look, if you're going to be fucking pissed in France, don't bother coming.'

And I was like,'You fuck . . .' and then I had a row with him on the phone, and I put the phone down and I went away and Patsy calmed me down. She went, 'Look, he's fucking right. And I'm glad someone's finally fucking told you. 'Cos it seems like no one really tells me, like, 'Fucking stop drinking,' when I'm being a cunt and that, and she goes, 'You're a knobhead when you drink.'

So I listened to her and went, 'Right, fuck it!' So I said to Marcus [Russell, band manager], 'Ring him back and tell him I'll be fucking sweet. I'll be sober.' So I went there sober. There was no argument with Bonehead at all. There was no arguments with anyone. Bonehead was drinking, Whitey was drinking, everyone drinks."

Do you think the papers were looking for a sensational reason for Bonehead's departures? Yeah, well, there was this big thing in the papers saying that Noel's banned booze and all this nonsense, he's banned drugs and 'They're going back to their fucking roots'. I mean, roots, what, in a £50 million fucking mansion, you know what I mean? That's going back to our roots!

And the thing was, when we were recording the album, everybody was fine, everyone was happy, he [Bonehead] is moving house in Manchester, he's done his bits dead quick, he goes,'Right, I'm going home to move house. I'll be back.' Now, if there was something going on behind the scenes, I don't know. I can only say what I saw. Everyone was happy, everyone was into the music, everyone was listening to it back, buzzin', having a drink, going "Wey, we're fucking top,' and 'Wey, that's great.' And then we get a phone call saying he's done his bits and he's leaving the band.

What was your reaction to that? "At first I was thinking, 'Right, let it be for a bit, it'll be sweet.' You know, these things happen all the time in Oasis. Everyone gets the needle and goes home for a week and then they calm down, and then they miss it, and they go, 'Right...'

So we went, 'Ah, fuck it, he's got the fuckin' hump about something,' or maybe he just doesn't want to sort it. We can't tell unless we're speaking to him, 'cos he spoke to Marcus. So we carried on with our bits, we finished the album and came home. Then we carried on trying to get in touch with him and he was still going, 'Oh, no, I've had enough of touring. I want to be with my kids.'"

Have you spoken to him yourself? I've not spoken to him, no. He's tried to call me and that but, you know, I'm busy. Now, that's the thing. He lives in Manchester and we're not that close as the band used to be. We're all married, you know what I mean, and we meet up every now and again. They don't go to parties. I don't really go to parties, Noel's the party one, and we'd only meet up when we were rehearsing or doing a video or something, and now that that's not happening... if they're not into a band with me, then I've not got nothing in common with them.

So you feel hurt by Bonehead leaving? Yeah. I feel hurt because if he's got a problem, which I don't think he had, with the band, then he should've been able to speak to us about it. 'Cos we'd been in it so long I thought we were that fucking close. When we were together, the band, we talked about things. If I had a problem with the band, I'd say it. If Noel did, and if Whitey did, they did say it. And I just feel a bit gutted that they [Bonehead and Guigsy] mustn't have felt like we were mates, or something, that they couldn't come out and go, 'Oh, I got a problem'.

Wasn't Bonehead your main drinking partner on tour? Yeah. And Whitey as well. And Noel. Noel's a fucking drinker and all. No, everyone was a drinker. The only one that really didn't drink was Guigs. We were all mates, you know what I mean? And I'm gutted that they couldn't speak about it then.

Did Guigsy also cut out without telling you himself? Yeah, he cut out without telling us, yeah.

What did you think about that? Well, I thought 'cos they were two mates together from previous, that that was it.

He went out in solidarity? Well, maybe, yeah. I think it was a bit of a like, 'I'll leave and then we'll both get back in,' or something. Do you know what I mean? It was like maybe a little bit of a fucking 'We'll see how far we can push them.' But it was like, if you leave the fucking band, you leave the band, that's the end of it. If you don't want to be in it, then you don't want to be in it. We've got no time to be fucking cuddling each other and going fucking 'Oh, what's up, what's up?', do you know what I mean? We've done all that. We're here to fucking start a band, we're here to go on tour. Fucking, we're not social workers. I'm not your mam. I'm not your fucking dad. We do the fucking album, and it sounds hard, but you're there to work, do the fucking album, go on fucking tour. That's what it's always has been. If you've got a fucking problem, go and see your psychiatrist or something. Cos I've gotta go in there and do my bit to support my kids.

So it's like, if they don't want to he in the band that's it. Fucking see you later. VVe'll go and get someone who is into being in the band.

How did [Bonehead's replacement] Gem come into the picture? Gem was someone that we knew. He'd supported us and that. We thought, 'Right, Heavy Stereo have been dropped off Creation' ... We didn't want to go and fucking poach him. We just went,'Look, what's Heavy Stereo up to?' And he's going,'Oh, we're writing songs,' and he's going, 'Why?' And we're going 'Well, we need a guitarist. Do you fancy being the guitarist?' And he went, Yeah, yeah.' We didn't go, 'Leave your fucking band.' It was only meant for the December dates, but he said, 'Yeah, I'm fucking in."

What made him a better person for Oasis than any of the other people that were considered? We didn't consider anyone else. People were talking about Johnny Marr and fucking Aziz out of fucking Stone Roses. I don't fucking think so. You know what I mean - if you can't get it together in The Stone Roses, what fucking chance have you of getting it together in fucking Oasis? And [former The Verve guitarist] Nick McCabe, it's the same for him. If he can't get it together in his own fucking band, he's got no chance of fucking getting it together in ours.

It was widely believed that David Potts from Monaco was joining on bass. Right, that was Peter Hook talking. The bass player, we were a bit struggling. We tried, like, four bass players out, no one knows their names, and that didn'tt get out. And then we tried Pottsy, he came down to rehearse with us, and Peter Hook went blabbing to the fucking papers.

He said it on the radio. Yeah, and it was all over Manchester that Pottsy's got the job. Now, I feel sorry for him, 'cos he's gotta go back up to Manchester and go 'I'm not in.'

But that's not our problem, you know, what I mean?

Andy Bell joining on bass came as a surprise. So what it was, I didn't rehearse with Pottsy 'cos I had the flu and that, but they were rehearsing and I was at home and Pottsy was good, but he just ... in the nicest possible way, he just didn't look the part. And it's essential, I think. No matter how daft it sounds, you've gotta look fucking right, you know what I mean.

And then with Andy Bell, I got home and we got a phone call saying Andy Bell had joined Gay Dad and I was having none of that. I went, 'Fuck that.' So we got his phone number and rang him up and said, 'Look, do you fancy doing it?' And he went,'Yeah.'

You don't like Gay Dad, then. I've heard of their name. That's terrible. That'll do me.

Didn't you slag him off, Andy Bell, when he was in Hurricane #1? Yeah. Yeah, 'cos he deserved it. I slagged him off, battered his singer, and that was it, yeah.

You battered Alex Lowe? Yeah, well, he deserved it. He was slagging us off. We were on the same label and he was giving it all this fucking nonsense. You don't shit on your own doorstep. I'd never slag any band off on Creation, whether I liked them or not. It's something that I wouldn't do, you know. And he's fuckin' definitely not doing it to me, the dick, without getting a slap. And then we had a bit of a scuffle and that was it. And Andy's cool as fuck, you know what I mean? He's a rock'n'roller.

Did it feel odd playing for the first time with two people who weren't Bonehead and Guigsy? I didn't think it did feel any different. No, it didn't feel odd, man. No, because I'm not like that. I don't dwell on the past. That part of Oasis is over. It's gone and it's dead and dusted, through them, not me. I walked in there that day, walked into the rehearsing rooms, two guys there, Gem was playing there. 'Right, where's my mic? Set me up. Let's fucking go.' And that was it. I'm not going to go, 'Oooh [mimes crying], having visions. They made the choice to leave the band and that's the fucking end of it. And I'm here to fucking get it on. They're there to get it on. Let's get it on. And that's the way it is and that's the way it fucking should be, man.

Someone said that, with the new members, it was like a Creation supergroup. A Creation supergroup? What, Heavy Stereo and fucking Hurricane? What's super about that? Nothing super about fucking Hurricane #1, except for Andy Bell, who's now in Oasis. And there was nothing really super about Heavy Stereo, and I mean that in the nicest possible way. It's an Oasis supergroup.

What is the balance of power now in Oasis? Noel's in charge, full stop.

He's still The Chief. Yeah, man. He writes the songs and he does the business side of things. He's the one who sits up and makes all the decisions. You know, I don't want to know the business side of it or the fucking cover artwork and all that, I just want to sing. Alan wants to play drums. Gem wants to play his things, you know, and Andy wants to play his bass. And I feel sorry sometimes for Noel, but he's the one who wants to do that, so let him do it. But I'm The Chief in my position, which is in front of the microphone. And he's in charge of his bit, you know, but he writes the songs. That's it.

Looking back at the Nineties, Oasis are one of the major events of the whole decade, not just musically but as a cultural phenomenon. Yeah. I'd like to think so.

Has the novelty worn off? The last tour [1997/98] got a bit boring, you know what I mean? I personally wanted to come off tour. I couldn't be bothered with it, 'cos it was doing me head in. I was singing fucking rubbish towards the end and I was getting in too much fucking trouble outside the band, and that was not what it was about.

You built up a reputation as the wildest man in rock. Did you ever feel as though you were? No. No.

You did fly the flag quite well. Well, I probably was at the time. It depends, you know ... I just liked getting on the piss and fucking having a laugh and that. I weren't the wildest man in rock, it's just that every fucker else in a band was BORING.

I'd agree with that. Brett Anderson, you know. Boring as fuck. Who else? They're all boring. Damon Albarn, boring as fuck. We called him Dermot Oblong.

Throughout the whole period of Definitely Maybe and (What's the Story) Morning Glory?, it was like Oasis could do no wrong. Do you think you had it really easy during that period? I think we worked, man. It didn't come to us on a plate. We were gigging everywhere, weren't we? We were getting up to things that no other band was. And it's because everyone else around at the time was fucking shit and boring. We're a great band and we're an exciting band and there's people in the band that are exciting.

Do you think you can ever get that kind of acclaim back, where people think you walk on water? Er ... yeah. Yeah, but it won't be on that scale, you know, because we were new then. When we'd been around a bit, we were in everyone's faces, we were in the paper every fucking day. And people get bored with that. And that's sad, people knowing exactly fucking what move you're making and what you're doing. So you'll never get that sense of mysteriousness about the band back again, but all you can do is go on and make better records and that's all I'm about now, and that's all the band is about now. And then we were about fucking getting off our tits, losing it, and all the music side of it was getting fucking missed, you know. It was all about fucking what we're wearing, who we're fucking, shagging, who we're rucking with. And that was right for a young band, I think.

Now that you've eased off on all the revelling and quaffing do you see anybody out there who can carry on from where you left off? No. No, just me. I'll still be doing it every now and then. Mmm. I'll still be there, but not as much. [As if on cue, Liam embarked on his famous "Lost Weekend" just two days later, after learning that Alan McGee was ditching Creation.]

What do you think about the fans that actually don't want you to be sane and sober? Well, fuck them.

Because there are people who expect that from you, aren't there? Well fuck them. I've got a kid now. l don't want to die. l don't want to be an alcoholic. 'Cos they'll be getting on my case when they come to see me, I'm 50 fucking stone, I've got a big fucking beard and I'm taking loads of fucking slimming tablets and all that. They'll be moaning then, won't they? And I've got no teeth and look like Shane MacGowan. So fuck them, I'll be fucking rocking mate. If they want to come and see me, they're going to come and see a rock'n'roll show, and if they don't like that, they can fuck right off and go and see Robbie Williams or something.

Throughout '96 and '97, you had the paparazzi living in your hedge. Was there any parts of that constant attention that you secretly liked, or was it a pain in the arse the whole time? It was a pain in the arse, man.

Did you ever take them out a cup of tea? I like the attention, when it's to do with the music and the band. When I'm going gigging and there's loads of fans around, you know, I love that. When everyone's going, 'Yeah!', you know, fucking there, at the gigs and all that. When I'm walking down the street, it's nice when people 'All right?' You know, I like that and I'd be a liar not to say it.

But when there's fucking paparazzi outside your house, and there's people writing on your fucking wall outside your house, and there's people slagging your missus off outside your house, then I don't like it. I fucking hate it. But the rest of the being in a rock'n'roll band, all that adulation, I love it. Oh yeah. And I want more of it.

Do you ever worry about losing it all or does that not even enter into your thinking? No. Well, the only way I'd lose it is if I booze, you know what I mean?

So it's that big a threat to you? Yeah, that's the biggest threat, because I'd get pissed and I'd have an argument with Noel, and I'd stick by my guns and he'd stick by his guns. I was wrong, he'd be right and that'd be it. Now, if I've got an argument where I'm sober with Noel, I can win it. If I've got an argument with Noel when I'm pissed, then he can go,'You're fucking pissed, you're a cunt, you're singing shit,' and when I wake up sober in the morning, I go, 'Oh, he's right.' You can always get blamed for things when you're drunk, even when you're doing something right. When things do go wrong and you're pissed, people can get on your case. When you're sober and things go wrong, they can't get on your case. That's the only way I could lose it, if I get into the bottle. Other than that, I'm rocking.

Do you feel Iike the biggest British rock star of the nineties, which you were? I still am. But I don't walk down the road doing it, no. I walk down the road going, 'Fucking hell, I hope I can get on with my business.'

You allowed photographers to take pictures of Lennon, when you were walking around a park with him. Yeah, well, I just didn't want to get fucking stressed out with my kid. I didn't want to be getting into big fucking verbal arguments with these photographers when I've got a two-month-old baby. I wanted to keep my cool. So I just said, 'Look, stay over there. If you're gonna fucking mither me, mither me from over there, but if you come near me, then . . .' They could've come near me and took pictures and nought I could have done about it.

Did you read in the papers a little while back that there was a poll of the most miserable people in Britain... Yeah.

... and you and Noel were both in it. How close to the truth could that be? You know, they must have fuck all else to do with their lives. It's pretty miserable, innit, for someone to sit down and go, 'Right then, today my quest is finding out who's the most miserable person in the world. 'What kind of fucking kick he gets out of life, writing about the most miserable people in the world - he's the miserable one. What, 'cos I don't walk down the road smiling and I don't smile for cameras? What, 'cos I tell people to fuck off 'cos they've got a camera pointing in my baby's face, and they're getting on my wife's case and they're getting on my case? And they're writing bullshit stories about me? Yeah, then I'm the most miserable person. If you ask anyone else, I'm fucking up for it all the time. Funny as fuck. I'm a jolly boy, man. A jolly lad.

Have you read Paolo Hewitt's book, Forever The People? No, I don't read his books.

It was all about his experiences on the Be Here Now tour. What did he fucking know? He was in bed all the fucking time, the lightweight bastard.

I was amazed that Paolo went on the road with Oasis, because he was never a drinker. He still wasn't. He's a lightweight.. So all the shit he writes about, saying what we was up to, he wouldn't fucking know 'cos he was in bed at fucking 10 o'clock every night, the LIGHTWEIGHT. I don't approve of it, to tell you the truth. But someone's gotta do it, you know.

Well, anyway, he suggested that Oasis were shocked and bewildered when Be Here Now started getting a kicking. No. That's bullshit. Noel, bee's knees as a songwriter, he might have been shocked. I think it's a fucking great album. I think it was overproduced, there was a lot of cocaine going on, loads of drinkin'. We were getting followed to the studio by the paparazzi, five cars from my house to the studio, waiting outside, five cars back. It was like fucking 'Band On The Run.'

To me, that's no way to go to work. You know what I mean? If you're stressed out when you go to work, it's gonna show in your work. So I was stressed out, and that was happening to everyone. That's the only problem I've got with Be Here Now. It was better than any other fucker's album around. There was a lot of cocaine doing on, there was a lot of fucking hangers-on in the studios, and it shows. But other than that, it was a great album.

You've defended the album before but Noel has said that, looking back, he doesn't think it's that great. Yeah, but he would do, because he's like that, Noel. He's one of them that go, 'oh, forget it,' you know. It's a fucking great album. If it weren't a great album, why did he fucking record it? And he pisses me off when he says that. He's saying it just to agree with the fucking people who slag him off. But fuck that. It was a great album and he knows it was great, 'cos I seen him when he was writing it. He was loving it.

But when you look back at it, it was a bit crazy. The producer [Owen Morris] was just as mad as us, you know what I mean, he was drinking as much as us. It was just we weren't concentrating on the job that we were doing. But the songs are fucking great. I don't particularly think my singing was good 'cos I was off it and that, but other than that, it was a fucking great album. You know, it's not a fucking shit album. It's the Phantom Menace of albums. Listen, it was the album we were out to do and that was the way it was done. I'm not saying it's the best, but it's definitely not the worst. Maybe we didn't go any further, maybe we didn't take a step forward, but we didn't take a step back.

And going down to the sales, it sold six million copies. People say it's poor sales . . . six million people fucking liked it, so what are you talking about?

You've been away for a while and during that time, bands like the Manics, Stereophonics and Catatonia have been on the rise. How do you rate them as competition? I don't rate them as competition. No.

How about Travis, who have a massive album? Travis are a beautiful band, I love Travis, right, and they've got great songs. I don't think of them as competition. They're definitely not, although they're a great band. And like Catatonia, for a fucking start, they ain't no fucking competition, right. Fuck them. I'm arsed about her either, right.

The Manic Street Preachers are a good band. They're not in competition with me. Stereophonics, I like his voice. The rest's a bit Bryan Adams. They're not competition, but I hope they do well.

Let's talk about Standing On The Shoulder Of Giants. When you were recording it, did you feel any pressure to deliver, given the slagging dealt out to Be Here Now? No, honest to God, no. 'Cos when I heard the songs.....I'm totally, 100 percent behind Noel's songwriting ability. No question at all. The pressure could be on Noel, 'cos he's the guy who writes the songs, and people go, 'Oh, they're shit.' I'd be disappointed, you know what I mean, but I'm sure he'll be more disappointed, 'cos he's opening up to the people with his songs. I'll be disappointed if people don't like 'Little James' right, 'cos it's my first attempt and I'd like it if people like it, so I'll be a bit disappointed if they don't, but it won't fucking kill me.

Do you think that this album will restore the band's critical reputation? I don't know and I don't really give a fuck, to tell you the truth, because at the end of the day, it's like with Be Here Now. All right, yeah, it might have got a bit of a slagging, but they loved it at first and then they fucking hated it, and I'm not a psy-fucking-chiatrist, I can't get into the mind of a fucking person who reviews. That's their problem, not mine. And this album, I'm into it, I'm happy with it, I'm happy with it, and whether they like it or not, it's still going to get toured.

Did it turn out the way that you personally envisaged? Yeah. Yeah.

I remember, I think it was on the Steve Lamacq show ages ago, you were saying you wanted it to be a bit psychedelic, and you said something like you wanted to splash a bit of paint over the music. Is this what you meant? Yeah. You know, you've gotta have a good song before you go fucking weird and all that. 'I Am The Walrus' was a great song on acoustic guitar. You can strip it down and it's there. I just wanted it to be not so fucking rock'n'roll. I wanted to put a bit of colour into it, and I think we've done it. Whether people like it or not, I don't know, but we're writing for us. You can't fucking write for the critics or the fans.

Do you think you're going to take some stick over 'Little James' being so sentimental - "Wild Man Of Rock In Soppy Sod Shock" Or do you think people will listen to it in the spirit in which you wrote it? Hopefully. People who've got any soul, people who know who they are on a day-to-day basis, will actually realise that there is a day when you go home and put your feet up and cuddle your kids. There is a day when you watch fucking TV. Now, if anyone slags it off, they've either got no heart or they fucking don't know what the meaning of life is. They just fucking go out and fucking do-do-do-do the same thing every day. So fuck them, you know what I mean.

What does James think of it? He thinks it's hilarious.

And what does Patsy think? She thinks it's lovely. What it's about, it's about me and him, right, and his mum. And it's about 'It won't be long before everyone has gone,' it's like explaining to a little kid, you know, you've got all them fucking slags outside the house, the press and that...

Are they still there? No, they're not there no more, not at the moment, but it's like, I've got to go outside the house with him, cuddling him, through all these people, so when he got a little bit older, he's going. 'Who are all them people?' It's weird, you know. I just had to tell him it won't be long before all them people have gone.

It seems to be inspired by a combination of Lennon's 'Beautiful Boy' and The Beatles 'Hey Jude' Yeah, a bit of both. More Beautiful Boy. Music's music you know. And you can't win with these people. You know, they're going, 'You're the wild man of rock, you're fucking this, you don't fucking care,' and when you do show a bit of fucking caring, then they fucking call you a poof.

I suppose that's being Liam Gallagher, isn't it? Well, it's not my problem. It's theirs.

Are you happy that the song was built up into a big production ballad at the end? Yeah, yeah. Well I just wanted it to be acoustic. Have you heard Lennon's demos? And they're just, like, dead crackly, like, and it's just on a guitar and that's the way I'd like to write music. But if he's gonna go on an Oasis album, it's gotta be a bit big, hasn't it? So then I played it to him [Noel] and he just went away with the band and he goes, 'What do you think of this?' And I went 'It's fucking top.'

It's the same thing with Noel's ballad, 'Sunday Morning Call'. It's got the big treatment, too hasn't it? Yeah.

That's the feel of the album, really. There's quite a grandeur about it. Yeah. I like it.

Are Oasis becoming more at home in the studio? It sounds like you really enjoyed using the studio this time. Yeah well, we are. We're getting right into it now.

Can you go too far with that, or do you think you've found the right balance? No, I think we're ready now, you know, to spend a lot of time in the studio and really get right into it, whereas we didn't do that before 'cos we were just rocking - 'Do, doo, doo, let's get out and let's play.' And I'm not saying we're spending two years in the studio making 'cos we don't do that. I'm on about, like, really getting to fucking grips with what's around in the studio.

The lyrics of Little James are quite joyous and that's different to a lot of Noel's lyrics on this album. They're dark in some ways, and a bit depressive. Oh aye, yeah.

Is that the way Noel was feeling when he wrote this album? Probably, yeah.

Do you ever talk to him about his lyrics? He doesn't explain them does he? He just won't explain.

Do you have to interpret them in you own way, then, when you're singing? Yeah, I've got my own things, yeah. I don't like to talk about other people's songs, 'cos they're not mine, but when I sing 'em, I sing them about what I'm thinking about.

Do you think that Noel is alright with fame, 'cos quite a lot of the lyrics on this album seem to be a bit disillusioned? With fame? If he didn't want to do it, I don't think he'd do it. He's a clever man, he knows exactly what he wants.

He's having a go at certain people on this album. I don't think he's having a go at friends. It's not necessarily, like ... what do you mean, like fame as in what?

Well, the trappings of it. The hangers-on. It's just goes to show, doesn't it, 'You try and sit around my table but you never bring a chair,' It's about the liggers. That's what I get from it.

You don't put up with them. With what?

With the hangers-on. No, I don't. My house is a home house. It's not a party house. I think they're all dicks anyway, to tell you the truth. All celebrities are all fucking knobheads. And I'm sure they think the same thing about me, but I'm not the one wanking it about with everyone else. They're the ones that are all wanking around each other, saying how great each other is, and slagging each other off from behind their backs. I tell them to their face when I see them - they're all knobs.

There isn't anything on the album that's really optimistic like 'Live Forever' or a huge celebration like 'Champagne Supernova'. You can't do that all the time, can you? Life's not great all the time, is it?

Moving on to 'Go Let It Out' - it's quite a laid back song for a comeback single, isn't it? Yeah.

Did you want to come back subtly rather than with a big bang? I don't know, you know. I wanted to come back with 'Fuckin' In the Bushes', to tell you the truth.

That's a mad song. I have no idea what it's about. Neither do I. I don't think there is an idea what it's about.

Tell me about the voices on the samples. It's 'we put this festival on you bastards, we waited for one year for you pigs, you wanna break our walls down, well you go to hell.' And it's from the festival on the Isle of Wight, when all the hippies were trying to break the walls down. And there's a bit in it going, 'Kids are running around naked, fucking in the bushes.' And then there's a bit at the end, where an old lady's going, 'Music, love, life, beautiful, I'm all for it.'

It's a very dramatic opening to the album. I fucking love it, man. I think that should've been the single. But it wasn't gonna get anywhere, it's not gonna get any airplay is it? It's just fucking rocking, man. You ain't gonna get a better rocker that that. Now that, right, to me, is the ultimate fucking rock'n'roll song. I know for a fact, me personally, I'll die happy being involved with such a song like that. It's just fucking mental. It's rocking, man. I love it.

The video for 'Go Let It Out' is a bit Magical Mystery Tour. No, it's not as good as that. The video's fucking shit. I hate videos. It's all right. We're no good at videos, you know what I mean? We're not there to make ground breaking videos, but we're trying our best. It's all right, it's nothing fucking amazing. I think the weirdos on the video should've looked at bit weirder, but it's all right...

But Go Let It Out, to me is like, fucking jesters and little clowns that caper and sawdust rings and...

The Big Top Yeah, I love it. I know, I know, it's a slow one, and whether it was the one to come back with, I don't know. But it's all part and parcel of the album.

Do you think that Oasis fans will be suprised by the album? I know I was. Oh right. What, in a good way?

I expected Oasis to get back to some straightforward rock songs, really. After the criticisms of Be Here Now, I thought you might react by simplifying everything. Well everyone wants Definitely Maybe, do you know what I mean?

I didn't say I wanted Definitely Maybe. No, no, I know that, but, like, with you saying about the fans and that, how will they react. I don't know, but every fan I speak to, they go, 'Oh, I liked your first album.' Yeah, so did I, but you can't fucking stand still. And I don't want to.

Is that really what they expect? Yeah, but it's like I said before, we're not writing for the fans. I hope they like what we're doing but if they don't, then they don't. They can do and fucking listen to Stereophonics or whatever. You know, it's not my problem. I like the album and.... you know, there'll be someone who'll like it. But it's just what we want to do. I think it's fucking great and I love it. I love the sound of it.

There aren't too many songs here that jump straight out at you. It takes a lot of listening. Yeah, Well I think that's a good thing, actually. Music's about listening to, innit?

Do you think that could work against you? Oh, probably will.

Are you ready for the slings and arrows this time? There might not be any. But I'm ready for anything.

You're pretty bulletproof, aren't you? The thing is, if they slag it, they slag it, you get on and do the next one. That's what it's about. It's not gonna knock me dead. We've wrote half the next album anyway. We've got fucking loads of songs. We're always writing, man. Soon as we finish touring next, we're back in there, you know, and write the next one.

With this one, certain Oasis trademarks are missing, like the irresistible melodies of Some Might Say or the big singalong anthems of D'You Know What I Mean. It's a lot darker and denser in many ways, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.

Do you like that? I do, yeah, I just think that it's time for that. You can't keep writing anthems all the fucking time. That's up for someone else to be doing now. As a young band, you know, we were brand new, everything was fucking great, you're famous, you've got all this money, you're fuckin out at all these parties - that's when your anthems are coming out. We're seeing the shitty side of it now.

Do you think this is a more grown-up album than anything you've done before? Yeah, a well grown up album. When you see the shit we've seen... That's for fucking new bands to be writing all these 'Life's fucking great, it's fucking mega, wahey...' They don't know what's coming. That's for them to be rejoicing. They don't know that if they get to where we were, that it can get a bit shitty. So that's for them to be writing the anthems. We're where we are now, and life's a bit shit sometimes 'cos of what's going on, and that's coming out in the music. And all you can write is how you feel. And that's how Noel's obviously feeling. See, if people give this really good reviews and all that and treat us really nice, then we'll write a nice anthem album next time.

This isn't a commercial album, full of obvious singles. You've gotta listen to it more.

Was this a concern for you? No, Not at all. Otherwise we'd be writing hit singles. I think it's a new stage in our life. If it's not gonna get on the radio, I'm arsed, you know. Maybe that's what the problem is with music today. They're always looking for that big, fucking hook. We're going back to fucking proper rock'n'roll music. I mean, it's a proper fucking rock'n'roll album.

Do you think it will go to Number One? Yeah, Definitely. Don't know if it'll stay there, though. Course it'll go to fucking Number One. It's Oasis, man.

Is it a perverse album to put out at this stage? Some of the songs are quite long and there are long instrumental passages, which are things that people criticised about Be Here Now. Do you mean it's the same?

No. But there are certain things that people thought you shouldn't do and you're doing them again. Yeah, well, fuck them. So you're saying what? Who's saying we shouldn't do that? The press?

Including the press. Right, the press, right, because the press are saying. 'Don't do that', I'm not writing fucking music for some knobhead who couldn't tie his fucking shoelaces, let alone play a guitar or write a fucking song. Do you know what I mean? That's the fucking bottom line of it. If they don't like it, then that's fucking fine. If they slag it off, that's fine. We're the musicians, they're the fucking knobheads who write about it.

If Oasis' previous albums were fuelled by booze and white lines, would you say that this is more of a spliff album? Yeah, I think so, yeah. Definitely: I'd say so. Not that we've been spliffing it. It's a listening album man. It's not fucking chaos.

Is it a satisfying album for you as a singer? Yeah, oh yeah.

Even though there's a lot of instrumental work in it? Yeah, I think I'm singing pretty well.

Do you approve of Noel singing? Yeah.

You don't mind him having a couple of songs on every album? They're his fucking songs, aren't they?

Are you not dying to sing them? No, I'm not really dying to sing thingy; 'Where Did It All Go Wrong', to tell you the truth.

You would sound good on "Sunday Morning Call". Wel, I tried singing it, but I think that's Noel's favourite, his little beauty. I think it means a lot to him.

It's the most melodic song on the album. Yeah, well, I sang it and it's like I was singing it a bit too hard. I can't sing soft.

You can still carry a ballad. Yeah, I know, but, anyway. I think that was his thing - 'I want that, I want to do that,' so I done it and even if it was probably good, he probably went. 'Oh, no, no, I don't like that, you're singing like a bumble bee. I'll do it.' And then he done his version of it and I went, 'Ah, fuck, I'm not gonna get in an argument about it.'

The future of British rock depends on this album. Does it?

Probably. No, you can't put that weight on us, baby.

Is it too much responsibility for you? The future of British rock revolves on fucking bands, mate.

People are waiting for this album, Liam. Well, I'm sorry, darling, that's to do with fucking dickhead writers who slag people off before they've given them a chance, do you know what I mean? It don't depend on us, mate. This album is for us and for the fans who like it. British rock's for fucking people who've joined bands and are writing shit music. That's what British rock depends on.

But there's a lot of people holding their breath for this album, and that's a compliment. Well that's good, yeah, but that, fucking, that can go against you man. And I'm not having none of that.

Everything can go against you in this business, though. Well whatever you want. The future of British rock will not go against that album. If people don't like that album, that'll go against us.

Do you think Oasis are still the biggest and best? I think we are, yeah. Well I think we're the biggest... We've been away for two years - it's different, do you know what I mean? We were the biggest when we left off, and I'm gonna carry on where we left off.

Can you do that? I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't think the glory can go on. You know I wouldn't be here today if I didn't think we can get bigger and better. And whether people come in around us, you know, and it gets other bands rocking again, then that's fine, but I'm not arsed about it. I couldn't give a flying fuck about the future of British rock. Listen, all I'm bothered about is Oasis. I've done my bit for the fucking futures of British rock.

oasis - the mad ferret www.oa515.com

[cressidagrey]

AHHHH NEW UPDATE!!!!

phenomenal as always love

i was guessing that she was pregnant a couple chaps ago cuz the symptoms, but i didn’t want to say anything in case i was wrong, BUT I WASNT!

And is it wrong of me to almost wish her mom and brothers wouldn’t find out until after the baby is born just so they can feel that distinct pain of not only missing her WEDDING but also the birth of her CHILD.?!

but at the same time I would hate for Belle to still not have made up with her family at that point because there are just some things you need your mom for and i feel like your first baby is def one of them.

BUT i also feel like Vic and Sophie have filled that role much better that pascale ever did so does she truly need her when all her presence would bring is a feeling of strain for a relationship they don’t really have??

And more than anything EMELIE!!! a lot of hospitals only allow 2 people in the delivery room at a time (idk if it’s like that everywhere or just where i live) so if it were up to the two most important people in her life it would be Mac and Em no contest!

I LOVE THIS WHOLE MESSAGE — you captured the emotional crossroads Belle is facing so perfectly 😭 You’re so right: at this point, she doesn’t need Pascale there, especially when Vic, Sophie, and Emilie have been everything she should’ve had all along.

And omg YES — if it’s two people allowed, it’s Max and Emilie no question. (Max would refuseto leave, and Emilie would be right there holding Belle’s hand like the absolute MVP she is. Also probably trying not to faint lol) Thank you so much for sharing all your thoughts, it seriously made my day 🫶💜

[marksmusingsuk]

The Importance of Family: My Lifelong Pillars of Strength

Family isn’t just about blood—it’s about the people who stand by you, shape you, and lift you when you feel like falling. I’ve been incredibly lucky to have a family that has done just that. Through the best moments and the hardest times, they’ve been my foundation, my teachers, and my inspiration.

But family isn’t always defined by genetics. Sometimes, it’s the people we meet along the way who become just as important. My journey has been filled with incredible people who have helped me through life’s challenges—some by birth, and others by choice.

If I had to name one person who sparked my passion for music, it would be my Uncle Bern. He didn’t just introduce me to great music—he opened up a whole world for me, a world where emotions could be expressed through melody and lyrics, where pain and joy could be translated into something powerful. He got me my first guitar, a gift that turned out to be much more than just an instrument. That guitar became my voice when words failed me, my escape when life felt overwhelming, and my way of expressing things I couldn’t say out loud. But it wasn’t just the music itself—Uncle Bern taught me the value of passion, of following what moves you, of using creativity to process life’s experiences. Beyond music, he’s always been a role model—someone who lives with integrity, kindness, and an undeniable love for the things that make life special. He’s more than just my uncle; he’s been a mentor, a friend, and a lifelong inspiration.

Losing my mum was the hardest thing I’ve ever faced. No words can truly capture the weight of that kind of loss, the way it leaves a permanent mark on your heart. But in those moments of grief, there are people who step forward, who become the steady presence you need to get through each day. For me, that person was Uncle Keith. He was there when I felt lost, offering a kind of support that words can’t fully describe. He didn’t just tell me it would be alright—he showed up, time and time again, making sure I never had to carry the weight of that pain alone. His strength became my strength, and his presence reminded me that even in the deepest sorrow, I wasn’t alone. Grief never truly disappears, but having someone like Uncle Keith by my side made it more bearable. He reminded me that love doesn’t fade, that family is there to hold you up when you feel like collapsing, and that even in the darkest moments, there’s always someone willing to walk through it with you.

When my mum passed away, there was an emptiness that felt impossible to fill. But my Nan, with all her love and wisdom, stepped in and took on a role that few could. She became my mother figure, offering guidance, support, and unconditional love when I needed it most. It takes incredible strength to step up in that way, to provide comfort when you yourself are grieving. Yet, she did it without hesitation. She was there to remind me that even though life had taken something so precious from me, it had also given me someone who would always be in my corner. Nan has taught me so much—about resilience, about kindness, about the importance of family. Her love has been a constant in my life, a reminder that even in loss, there are still people who will hold you close and help you find your way.

Through everything, my dad and Jane have been my steady foundation. They’ve been there through every challenge, every victory, every heartbreak, and every moment of uncertainty. Some people go through life without that kind of unwavering support, but I’ve never had to wonder if I was alone. Dad and Jane have always been there—whether it was through their guidance, their love, or simply their presence. They’ve taught me about resilience, about the importance of standing by the people you love, and about the kind of strength that doesn’t always have to be loud but is always there when you need it. No matter where life takes me, I know I can always turn to them.

Family doesn’t always mean blood relations. Sometimes, it’s the people you meet in life who become just as important. That’s exactly what my Holbrooks Community Care Association (HCCA) family has been for me—a pillar of strength, support, and encouragement when I needed it most. Life can be tough, and there are moments when you feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world alone. But the people I’ve met through HCCA have shown me that no one has to go through it alone. Whether it’s through a shared laugh, a conversation when things feel overwhelming, or just knowing that someone is there to listen, this community has become an essential part of my journey. They’ve lifted me up during difficult times, reminded me of my worth, and given me a sense of belonging that goes beyond just being part of an organisation—it’s family. The friendships I’ve built here are invaluable, and I’ll always be grateful for the support and kindness I’ve found within this community.

Family isn’t always about shared blood—it’s about shared lives, shared struggles, and the people who stand beside you no matter what. In my heart, Geordie is my brother. We’ve pulled each other through some incredibly dark times, and I know without a doubt that we always will. No matter what life throws at us, we have each other—through the highs, the lows, the laughter, and the moments when words aren’t enough.

Beyond the struggles, we’ve made some of the best memories together, creating music that means something, music that has been both an escape and a way to say what we couldn’t put into words. The songs we’ve written, the moments we’ve shared—they’re a testament to everything we’ve been through and everything we’ve overcome. And may that never change. May we keep making music, keep creating memories, and keep standing by each other through it all, until we’re old and decrepit, still laughing, still playing, and still knowing that whatever happens, we are and always will be brothers.

Life is unpredictable. It can be beautiful, it can be painful, and it can change in an instant. But through it all, family—whether by blood or by choice—is what grounds us. My family has shaped me in ways I’ll never fully be able to express. They’ve given me the gift of music, the strength to endure loss, the comfort of unconditional love, and the knowledge that no matter what happens, I am never alone.

To Uncle Bern, Uncle Keith, Nan, Dad, Jane, Geordie, and my HCCA family—thank you. Thank you for being my inspiration, my support, my strength. Thank you for showing me what family truly means.

I wouldn’t be who I am without you.

[nonuggetshere]

I shared my (and my friend's ocs) that are related to PK SO-

This is A LOT and I'm kinda embarrassed but I'll fucking "cringe culture is dead" through life or so help me GOD

I like imagining backstories for characters and making cool little nonsensical and completely self-indulgent AUs

(Also for the few people subscribed to my patreon there's more stuff after what I've posted there, just scroll a bit down 👍)

F9r the record I also mangled mine and @demonicintegrity 's thoughts and ideas into one post so it's somewhat comprehensible but jsyk they contributed a lot

An AU where Adamas has her last clutch in her small form

As a refresher Amanita is White Lady's name and Ebur is Pale King's name. Adamas is Pale King's mother, though wyrms use dame and sire for their parents so that's what he calls her. I am yet to properly share Quercus but he's WL's father. Flower is my name for the Pure Vessel in this AU, Hallow is their birth name. Amaryllis is an oc, they're Flower's twin. Any other names that appear here are PK's siblings.

Also using they/it for Ebur and the rest of the family bc as wyrms they don't really have genders

Ebur and Amanita meeting while Ebur's family is travelling and Amanita still lives at the edge of her father's territory and her root system is connected with his but she's getting ready to leave hopefully in just one or two years when she's gathered enough strength and the spring's kind and abundant

Adamas' little group settles near her groove since it's brimming with life and there's not many people to get in the way or compete over resources with aside from the occasional traveller or two, and Amanita tolerates their presence for now, they give her something to do since her father is quite busy with his new seedlings now that she's grown and she doesn't have much company or things to do other than to listen to the occasional mortal passing by and watch the nature, so this small group of wyrms that's mostly composed of ones not much younger than her with all the hubris and boldness of young wyrms is the most interesting thing that's happened to her in a while

Some of them would probably push too far before Adamas had to smack them upside the head and reprimand them for ever thinking about taking over this territory, after all they're really on the larger territory of an ancient God, and even though Roots aren't known to be the most attentive of parents she still doesn't want to tempt fate and check if this one is the same by attacking his daughter

Either way, Amanita notices the younger wyrm isn't quite like the others and seems very intrigued by him

Although their first in face meeting wasn't the best, with her attacking him and managing to stab him in the ribs (you bet your ass Adamas chewed out his ass when he returned to their densite all bloody and holding his side), he kept returning to study her

Seems they both found each other intriguing

And eventually they get to talking, Ebur seemed excited to meet the first rootfolk in his life and actually to get to talk to her, he asks so many questions and she's amused with his curiosity, and eventually actually grows curious about the wyrms (and especially him) herself and asks him things in turn

They grow into unlikely friends though there's definitely more to it but neither is willing to acknowledge it yet

He often sneaks away from his family just to talk to her, and eventually they start sneaking into the more private parts of her groove with the excuse that they wouldn't want Ebur's family finding out they're friends, both of them just ignoring their glaringly obvious attraction to each other

One time Ebur brought her a kill he made and she hoped to GOD her blush wasn't noticeable (it was, not that he'd know because he was also avoiding eye contact to try and hide his own)

Ebur and the bad bitch he pulled by being autistic 💜

The group spends enough time around there for the two idiots to stop dancing around the subject and not only admit to their mutual attraction but to start to fall in love

Enough so that Ebur decides to stay when Adamas decides it's time to move on

At first she was about to talk sense into him about staying permanently in this place but he quickly corrected her

"No, no, it's not like that! I don't want to stay here permanently! I just..." He quieted down and looked away

"...You want to leave?"

"...mh..."

"Are you sure about this? Life as a lone wyrm isn't easy out there in the Wastelands, perhaps it'd be better if you stuck around until we find a suitable territory for you to stay at-"

"No, dame, I- I want to leave now. I think it's time. I love you all and I'll miss you, but...I just...I want to see what's out there for myself. Every year, every day, feels the same now; find some place, stay for a bit and hunt, move on. I- I can't live like this, it feels...suffocating."

"...You were always the curious kind, weren't you? I should have known this routine would bore you eventually," She sighed heavily and approached him, "I always knew this day would come, I just never expected it to be my youngest and smallest wyrmling that leaves the nest first..." She pulled him into a tight hug, "...Stay one last night with us, and if you're still sure about this after tomorrow's hunt I'll leave some supplies for you when we move on."

He smiled and hugged her back, "...Thank you..."

"Just promise me you'll be safe, okay?"

"You taught me well. I'll be alright, I promise."

He spends lots of time with his siblings and mother the next day, maybe Melpomene proposed she could come with since they were always the closest but he reassured her he wanted to be alone

The goodbye is very tearful, even Adamas cries and she's not the type to do that often

Ebur feels a little broken seeing them go, it feels weird being completely alone, strangely quiet too - he usually likes the quiet, but not this time. He goes to hunt to keep his mind off it then that evening he gathers his things and moves them to a densite way closer to his root's (his root, saying that makes him so giddy) and goes to share his kill with her

And that night, for the first time in their lives, he goes to sleep curled up around her amongst her roots. It does help him feel much better about having to say goodbye to his family

He spends the rest of the year in her groove with her - from summer to winter - before she's finally ready to move on next spring and he happily follows her to look for a new home for the both of them

Despite the new normal being hard to get used to at first he was still so unbelievably happy with her

And Quercus was considerably easier to hide their relationship from than his own family, considering they're on the outskirts of his territory and Ebur never saw him in person. As far as Quercus is concerned, Amanita just has a mild wyrm problem that she's handling well on her own

A few different  things could happen from then on

Could either go canon compliant or pull out one of my fav moves, a cute domestic AU where they don't found Hallownest or do it later down the line after already having children and just live for a while as a happy family

And also the Drama Flavour where Ebur ends up pregnant despite them not trying to, they say fuck it and have them but he gets very sick and she brings him to her father for help, cue him being appalled that she's partners with a wyrm and her telling him to suck a dick and she'll take care of him herself, then they have the worst luck ever after finding a brand new territory and stumble onto Ebur's family, and Adamas has some very strong opinions about him being mates with a root (she doesn't even realise he's expecting otherwise it would have been. Worse). Fucking Romeo and Juliet up in here

For the last idea, I like the idea of Adamas questioning if that root can even provide for him or any possible clutches he might have in the future and he gets so pissed off he bristles, tells her to drop it and he's done with her attitude and to get the fuck off his territory. She bristles and calls him out on being so cocky as to tell her to get out

"If you're so confident then come on, defend your territory! Kick me out yourself!"

"Stop it-"

"Come on, boy! Show me you can actually protect yourself and yours! If you want me out them force me out!"

"I'm not going to fight you, mother!"

"...Tsk, you even talk like her."

"...Just...Just leave...please."

She circles him, "You should know words won't be enough to protect your territory from intruders, and that young root definitely doesn't have it in her to do it. You promised me you'll stay safe, so show me you can actually take care of yourself!"

Instead she gets violently thrown back by a white root after Amanita returns to check up on her hubby <3

Puts herself between them, ready to snap their necks with her roots if she has to

"He told you to leave, so leave. Or should I make you, you old bag?"

"Amanita-"

Of course, it was 25% him not being willing to fight his own mother and 75% him being sick and not willing to risk the pregnancy, but he's not gonna tell her that when she reacted so negatively about him being mates with a root (and his siblings def teased him before the situation got serious)

He's gonna be SO fucking depressed about this later though

But I also just like the idea of them finding the place that would later become Hallownest and founding the kingdom together

Ebur: Babe do you want me to beat up this old slug for you?

Amanita: Oh how romantic~

Unn:(live slug reaction)

Unn: Just take the damn territory and leave me alone, you brats

I also made an entire AU with Integrity where PK moves on with his family with a promise that he'll be back next spring for her, only to realise he's expecting. And I am obsessed with this version, it's cute and domestic (in a wyrm kind of way) and I am sucker for these things.

Ebur leaves with his family, promising to return to her next spring so they can leave together, but what he DIDN'T account for was him getting pregnant

So now he has to think up an idea to sneak away and keep his pregnancy hidden until he's back with her. Very hard to do with his mother around, an old wyrm with decades worth of clutches she's reared into adulthood by herself, she sussed him out embarrassingly quickly

Ebur, trying to sneak out: 💦💦💦

Adamas, like she’s scolding a teen: where are you going at this hour?

Ebur: …. A walk to clear my head?

Adamas: do you think that excuse worked with your siblings back then?

Ebur: … no

Adamas: do you think it’s gonna work now?

Ebur: ……… no

Ebur, quickly thinking of something else: ......hunting...

Adamas: Hunting?

Ebur: Hunting.

Adamas: At midnight? With your white, glowing ass? After we just ate?

Ebur: .........I'm hungry.

Adamas: Uh-huh

Ebur, bristling: Well! I'm a grown wyrm, I can do what I want!

Adamas: Oh can you now?

Ebur: 💦💦💦

Adamas: You're an adult but I'm still this group's leader, including yours

Ebur: Yes, dame. I'm sorry, dame

He does his best to mask his scent and keep his hormones and instincts under control, tries to sleep a little further from the group, is very careful on hunts and starts eating away from them when food aggression starts kicking his ass

One time Adamas finally approached him at meal time, throwing him her portion

"Here, eat up."

He looks at her, confused, "...I...what?"

"Just eat, kid."

He hesitantly takes it and leaves it near as he continues with his portion, "Don't you need to eat also?"

"Eh, I've eaten enough. Besides, I'm not the one who's eating for more than one right now."

"HRK-"

He looks at her, horrified, and she can't help but laugh

"What? You think I haven't noticed? Come on, you could fool your siblings with your excuses but I've had plenty of clutches of my own," She pats him on the shoulder, "Come on, eat up, kid. You need to put some meat on these bones."

He sighs heavily and goes back to eating, red in the face and a little awkward, unable to look her in the eyes as she's just observing him

"...If you copulated around the time of your first heat last spring-"

"HRNK?!"

"Oh, don't be like that, you're not a child anymore. Anyway, your due date should be in winter...not the ideal time to have a clutch, but we could make this work. You'll need to eat a lot if this kid is to have any chance of survival, though," She looked back st him, "...If you want to keep it, that is."

He goes quiet, his tail curling in close, "...I...y-yeah, I do..."

"...Alright, if that's what you want."

"You seem nervous."

"...How- how could I not be? I mean, all of this, it's...it's my first brood, and if they're due in winter..."

She scoots closer to him and wraps her tail around him, "Hey...you're not alone in this, okay? You have your siblings and I, we'll take care of you and your young. It's going to be alright." And she nuzzles him gently

Obviously they figure out the children are part root, but only some time after they're born

At least now Ebur has an excuse to return to her, saying she'd have valuable input on caring for them

That doesn't stop his siblings from teasing him about possibly wanting to see her again and being in love (they're right, but he's not about to admit it)

Also the moment he accidentally let's her name slip he's not gonna hear the end of it

Adama: So you want to return to the groove?

Ebur: Yes. I mean, she taught me a lot about rootfolk, but-

Io: Uh-huh, I bet she did. Close and perso-

Ebur, slapping him with his tail: ...Anyway. She told me a lot, but still, Amanita would kno-

Adustus: YOU KNOW HER NAME?!

Ossum: OHHH, LITTLE LOVERBOY IS ON FIRST NAME BASIS WITH THE ROOT~?

Ebur: You're killing me

God can you imagine what kind of pains in the ass these cunts were when Adamas and Ebur broke the news to them

Constant teasing and asking who it was

Ebur gets no rest

Adamas takes her little shits on a training hunt again

"Why do we need to train anyway? You've taught us how to hunt seasons ago."

"I did, but not with two members down. You need to practice now before your sibling stops being able to join us on hunts."

"...two...?"

"Yes, two. It'll be safer if somebody stays behind with Ebur when he's further along and carrying for his young, so I need to know we'll be able to provide for this family with two hunters down and more mouths to feed."

"...Can't I join your hunts anyway? You hunted by yourself while pregnant, didn't you?"

"I did, but I was also alone, I had no choice. You shouldn't have to choose between your children's safety and finding food. We live as a family for a reason, what would we be but animals if we don't take care of each other? I'm not letting you or your young live like lone nomads when you have us."

They also hunt more since Ebur needs more food, especially later down the line, and if anybody complains she's gonna cut that shit down SO fast

"I don't want to hear it! Ebur and the brood they're carrying are your kin, so start acting like it and have some damn respect. Do you think Ebur would be here complaining if the roles were reversed? Do you think they wouldn't care for you when you need it? We're a family, we take care of each other, in sickness and in health. Your sibling and his children need you. If that's a problem for you, you're free to leave and live as a nomad, but as long as you follow me and are a part of this family I don't want to hear any complaining, got it?"

"...yes, dame. I'm sorry."

"Instead of apologising to me make yourself useful. And treat your siblings kinder, one day you might be the one who needs their help so you better hope your words don't come back to bite you then."

Adamas is a strict parent but very much loves her family and it's so important to her that they take care of each other <3

She's a good mum, if a little bit hard on them at times

Melponeme, loafing in front of Ebur: ….

Ebur: …. What. Go away

Melp: im not touching you

Ebur: what do you want

Melp, loafing, staring: ……….

Ebur: ………………

Melp: you’re gettin fat

Ebur: no shit it’s almost like a have a litter growing inside me

Melp, reaching over to poke his stomach:

Ebur, batting: stop that!!!

Melp: how many do you think they’re gonna be?

Ebur: I dunno

Melp: probably like. A lot of you keep growing at this rate

(And then it's just two. Absolute menace <3 won't give him a break)

Ebur, growling:

Adamas: Dear, if you keep poking at a predator like that it's gonna strike

Melp: Nahhh, they're harmle-

Ebur, pouncing on her:

Melp: !!!

"Don't be too rough with your sibling, they're expecting."

"Oh come on! They started it! They can't keep holding the pregnancy thing over our head constantly!"

Ebur sitting there like >:3

“Well they’ve got a few more months and then it’s fair game”

"Oh, so you'd beat up a new parent and leave my children orphaned? How cruel"

"I'm not gonna kill you, you maniac?!"

Also once he's much further along he digs himself a separate den and slowly moves in there, it worries his siblings but Adamas assures them it's normal, wyrms prefer to be alone in the first few days before and after giving birth

"Are you sure they're okay? Can't they stay with us?"

"Pff, would you prefer to get growled at and possibly mauled every time you come into your den? They'll be fine, don't worry."

His siblings go out hunting and gathering more often after that and finally give him lots and lots of warm and soft bedding for his new den

"Since you'll sleep alone we thought you and the baby could use some warmer bedding."

And he can't help but smile and wag his tail

Wondering if wyrms would have a word for aunt/uncle and what would it be?? Obviously not auncle, since aunt and uncle aren't wyrm temrs

Currently they don't have any, anybody beyond your parents, siblings and young are just "kin"

Maybe they'd use cousin? (As in. Also use cousin, not a replacement for aunt/uncle. I realised I worded this weird)

Half of this is Ebur's siblings fretting over him and Adamas having to keep them straight and from freaking out KDBDJRB

“GET OUT OF MY DEEENNNN”

“Oh but we worry about our poor lil sibling!!”

“FUCK OOOFFF”

Gonna get hissy and pissy and Adamas will just shake her head and say she warned them

“Can we see the babies now— UAGH”

“-HISSSSS-“

Glaring at them from the entrance of his den before the babies even arrive

"You're so lucky I'm round and slow right now"

“Hehe spherical”

“Shut the fuck up”

Also been thinking about the delivery. This sounds weird,,

TW for childbirth, pregnancy, etc, and mention of near infant death

Anyway, his siblings would notice he stopped eating, only stays in his den, and would bring it up to Adamas

Her ear just twitches and she looks over at his den, "...Seems the little one will arrive any moment, then."

"Huh?"

"How can you tell?"

"I also stopped eating like two to three days before I had you or any of my previous litters. It's normal. Just give them some space, they're going to be especially irritable now."

Then one night one of them wakes up and immediately wakes the others, as Adamas isn't in the den. They peek out to look for her and find her just sitting nearby and staring at Ebur's den

"...Dame? Why aren't you in the nest?"

"Quiet down. Do you smell that?"

They pause to scent the air

"...blood?"

"...It's been a while," She gets up and dusts herself off, "I'll go check up on your sibling, you keep watch for me. Don't come too near, he's probably stressed as is."

She approaches his den and they see her quietly talking before she disappears inside. They keep watch as promised, though all of them are fidgety and uneasy, pacing and shifting around, trying to chat to pass the timd

After what feels like forever though one of them tells them to shut up for a moment and when they do they can hear very faint cries coming from the den

They wait with held breaths and eventually Adamas stalks out of the den holding bloodied bedding (to a group of nervous wyrms looking at her like 👁👁 👁👁 👁👁 👁👁 👁👁, almost makes her laugh)

"...so?"

"So what?"

"Dame, please-"

She snickers, "There's two."

They all seem excited, which makes her smile

"How are they?"

"Ebur is fine. One of the wyrmlings is strong, and the furstborn..." She trails off, swishing her tail, "They'll make it, if they survive this night."

The five visibly deflate at the news

"...Are they gonna...?"

"Only time will tell. Like I said, if they survive this night they should be okay. Don't repeat this to Ebur, though, they've had enough of hardships for one night," She turned to leave, "I'll go burry these sheets. You five, go hunt for your sibling and their young, they're going to need the strength. I'll look after them."

They hurry off, a hunt seems like a good opportunity to blow off some steam

When they return, Adamas shows them how to thinly mince the meat for the the newborns before she delivers the food to Ebur and his kids

That's pretty much the norm for the next few days, Adamas is the only one who he allows into the den so she updates the siblings on the situation and stays with him while they go hunting

The day after, after they made their hunt for the day and Adamas once again disappears into their sibling's den with the food, was probably the most stressful. The five waited for her for what seemed like eternity and immediately pounce on her for info like young wyrmlings the second she's out

"Won't you five calm your tails?! Your sibling and their young are fine."

"And the firstborn?"

"They're doing much better and seem strong. You can stop panicking."

Though they're less intense about this afterwards, everytime Adamas leaves the den she's met with five wyrms staring at her and eagerly awaiting any updates

"Do they have names yet?"

"Ebur said they did pick already, you'll learn them once you meet the younglings"

"UUUUGHHH"

"MAAAAN"

"Stop being dramatic, it's only a few more days"

The five also get an idea to make the twins little clothes so they can stay warm and cosy

They get to gift them to Ebur once they finally meet the little ones

One day, after nearly a week, Adamas leaves the den to see the five wyrms once again waiting on her and she sighs heavily before smiling

"Alright, who wants to meet the babies?"

And they all get SO excited, before she has to remind them to keep calm to not spook their sibling or his kids

They go into the den one by one, which is thankfully big enough for all of them, where Ebur is laying in the corner, curled up around two little sleepy boundless and purring to them

His siblings are just awe struck at the babies and coo to them, showering them and Ebur with so many compliments

"They look a little odd for wyrmlings though, don't they?"

Io proceeds to get very roughly jabbed in the side by Fossor

"Ow, what the hell?!"

"Don't be an ass. Obviously they're not full wyrms, idiot, they're going to look different."

Though none of them is yet to clock that they're half-root

They get the babies thick clothes so they can crawl outside the den (under incredibly strick supervision by all 7 of their family members) once they're big enough

"Ebur, quit grooming them! They won't combust into flames if they have a speck of dirt or snow on them!"

"Mrrrr"

Melpomene: So, how did you name them?

Ebur: The firstborn is Hallow and the second born is Amaryllis

Io: Hm, weird names for wyrms

Ebur: 💦💦💦

Fossor, readying to hit him again:

Hallow, crawling towards Io with intent to Bite:

Io: Ohhhh little lad on a mission, what will they do? Beware the big bad wyrm

Hallow: Grrrr

Io:*casually just rolls away*

Hallow, flopping down and looking at him offended before SCREAMING angrily to voice their displeasure at inability to bite and maim uncle: EEEAAAAAAAAA

Gonna crawl towards him with even more determination

Adustus: Snrk- Stop giving the poor kid a workout and let them bite you

Io: If they wanna bite me they should prove it by getting me the legitimate way

Adamas: that one has a strong set of lungs

Ebur: mhm

Ebur: ...Was I this loud at their age?

Adamas: Absolutely. The loudest

Ebur: .......oh

Adamas: yeah. oh. Little snot

Ebur: hey!

(Mean to him <3)

Just wait till they figure out the connection between Amaryllis and Amanita

Of course loverboy would name the baby after a flower LMAO

".....snrk"

"shut up. shut up. shut the fuck up. I dont wanna hear it. Shut your bitchass up."

Start teasing him that he is SO smitten and in love

None know just how right they are

He's gonna die or commit murder at this rate

Ebur being all "it's not like that, it's not like that" and then when he sees Amanita again they're all lovey dovey and cute

I think Adamas' group was in the groove for like 2 years so they did have time to develop a meaningful relationship, though it's still nothing compared to how they're gonna be in a few years KFBDJFH

Io: not like that my ass—

Ebur: Shut the fuck—

Amanita: :? Not like what my darling?

Adustus: he’s been swearing up and down it isn’t love and he hasn’t totally been courting you

Amanita, amused: aaaww my dear Ebur, so now you’re shy with your affections~?

Ebur, sputtering: Ami, please not in front of my family...

Ossum: AMI

Ebur: I BITE

Ossum: Yeah, I bet ~your Ami~ knows a thing or two about that, huh~?

Ebur: GRRRRR

Amanita, laughing a little: I haven’t heard you growl that loud since we first met my wyrm~!

Ossum: good gods y’all are nauseating

Adamas: Her wyrm, huh?

Ebur: NOT you too

Amanita, not helping as she nuzzles him: My wyrm~

She's having so much fun <3 He can't help but smile though

Ebur: You're...impossible, my darling

Amanita: 🥰

Adamas: So, how long have you been together?

Amanita: Officially? Only one year, but we've been courting for much longer than that~

Adamas: Oh, you're official hm? Ebur, you never told me you've found yourself a mate. Look at you growing up on me, my youngest wyrmling has a mate and children already

Ebur: My dame, please

Amanita: ....children?

Adamas: ... you didn't know?

Ebur: Hey i was suppose to surprise her with that dame!

Ebur: Plus, I only found out after I left, not like I could tell her I was-

Amanita, grabbing him: Darling, what's that about children?

Ebur: .... We have two my darling.

Amanita: We have children!?

Ebur: yes. Our...... time together has resulted in me becoming gravid. We have two healthy children

Amanita, shaking him: Show me!!

Ebur, laughing: Well, stop trying to give me whiplash and I will!

(They're so adorable it makes me sick <- Ebur's siblings probably)

Presents her with the two little guys with a big smile. Tells her their names and she kneels down to hold them both and nuzzle and give kisses and be so so emotionally happy about it

The rest of the family give them some privacy so they can have a proper reunion and Amanita can meet her children

She's so SO happy

Scoops all three of them up and nuzzles him, looks at them as if they're her whole world

"Oh, my darling, they're so beautiful, so perfect...I love them..." She whispers, her breath caught in her throat for a moment, "...I love you."

His heart skips a beat and he nuzzles in close and kisses her cheek, "I love you too..."

And the babies are gonna ruin the moment and squeaking in protest about being held <3

"ooohhh my little sprouts, I need to plant you in my den and watch you grow big and strong youre so precious~"

"wait like. Actually bury them??"

"A little yeah. They should be able to root I think"

"...hm!"

"...Unless they're more wyrm in that regard?"

"Well, they seemed to do just fine on meat, but there's no harm in trying other things. Maybe a combination will be best for them?"

"Oh dear..."

"Don't worry, my love, we'll figure it out together"

Theyre rowdy and like to run around and play

but for sleepy time they get to be buried in the dirt. Makes em giggle and keeps them warm

OH the convo between Adamas and his siblings in the meanwhile

Adustus: ...He's gonna leave, isn't he?

Adamas: Hm?

Adustus: I mean, with our group we can't stay anywhere for too long, especially in a small groove like this, we'd run out of prey. And a root wouldn't be able to keep up for long, they're stationary. And...I doubt he'd leave her, just look at them.

Adamas: ...He seems happy. It'd be good for the little ones to have both parents too.

Amanita, planting the babies for the first time:

Quercus, waking her up at ass o'clock after he sensed two new seedlings near her: 👀 👀 👀

Amanita: huh wh

Quercus: KIDS?? KIDS?? DO I HAVE GRANDKIDS PRINCESS???

Amanita: pfft. yes.

Amanita:

Amanita, internally: wait shit fuck

Quercus: oh hey that wyrm problem came back. Lemme drop by and see how my daughter is doing since im not busy

What a fucking reunion that would be huh

Adamas: I've heard you want to leave? Maybe you should come with us, then, it'd be easier for you

Amanita: Ah, but would you like to leave now? Because it's already almost the end of spring, I don't think it'd be a good idea for me to leave now, I might not survive winter if I'm not rooted down somewhere by autumn. We were planning to leave early next spring, if you'd like to live in my groove until then you're fully welcome to

Adamas: But what of your parent? Wouldn't they notice?

Amanita: It's alright, he didn't came by last time you were here for over two years, I'm sure it's fine now, he won't even notice 😊 (narrator voice he did notice)

"Hey sweetheart how are you.... doing...."

Amanita, with the family of wyrms just hanging out in her den: .......... Daaaadddddddd what a suuurrrppprriiissseee💦

Her just trying to cover up this fairly large family of wyrms

Adamas getting defensive when Quercus is questioning Amanita

Starts growling and pushes to the front of them

Quercus: Stay out of this, wyrm

Adamas: Like hell I am! I'm not letting you step all over my family or my daughter

Amanita: It's really not nece- daughter??? 🥺

Quercus: Daughter?!

Adamas: Yes, daughter, she's my child's partner so as much of a family to me as my own children!

Amanita's just trying so fucking hard not to get emotional and cry over this now

too bad Quercus is bristling at that

Amanita and Quercus are emotional over this but in completely opposite directions

Amanita has to get herself together to step between them before it ends in a fight

GOD. I AM SO EMOTIONAL OVER THIS. AMANITA BEING ACCEPTED INTO HIS WYRM FANILY AFTER THEY SEE HOW MUCH SHE AND EBUR LOVE EACH OTHER 🥺 SO CUTE

She gets to root in and do some wyrm watching with her tubers

Amanita, to the kids: look how silly your father can be. Look, watch

Amanita, wiggling a root:

Ebur: 👁️👁️

His siblings watching him paw at the root

Adustus: ...Dude...

Fossor: Good fates he's domesticated

Adamas: …… oh how the mighty fall

She always knows how to embarrass him in front of his family 🥰

Zooming through her roots to play while Adamas wonders how he inherited such weird quirks

Adamas: I should have judged my mates better, what is this...

Ossum: hey they're the only one Like That

Melp: yeah we’re normal about things

Ebur: Snrk- Yeah, just wait till you find your own mates

Io: I think you're just weird, actually

Ebur: At least I have a mate and children, you lonely ass

Amanita delights in how silly the tubers are. Truly the most delightful thing

Ebur's family think it's funny how the twins have been dubbed the tubers since they came here

But hey, it fits

I bet Amanita sometimes just casually steals her wyrm away

Just picks him up with her roots like "I'll be taking that~"

They're so lovely dovey it's nauseating

Even Adamas teases him about her swooping him off his feet

And he can't keep the smile off his face when he talks about her or hide the blush when they tease him so he really can't hide it

Ebur and the tubers also sleep in her den, keep in her tangle of roots.

The others can set up a den as they please

He at first set up a den near her instead of with her but it was literally abandoned on night one

It's his den in spirit

The second his siblings realise its been abandoned and how fast he's getting teased AGAIN

“Shouldve just saved the time and effort and not done that altogether.”

“I didn’t ask you”

Adamas: No, I bet they tried really hard to use that den but really couldn't help themself be apart from her, didn't you?

Ebur: ...grrrr

Adamas: Snrk, seems I got it right

Amanita: you made a separate den from me???

Adamas: case n point

Ebur: Ooooh, God forbid I want to sleep with my partner! You insufferable twats

Adamas: You’re such a fucking sap

Amanita: Oh but they're my sap~ And I think it's so cute~

Gets a collective "Bleh" out of them

The two looking over their tubers playing with Ebur's siblings

Amanita: Oh, these kids are great, I love them so much

Ebur: Mhm

Amanita: We should have more~

Ebur, sputtering: Amanita!

Io: HEY WE HEARD THAT YOU FUCKING WEIRDOS

Amanita: what? You didn’t think I was going to want just one clutch did you love?

Ebur: w-what—

Amanita, curling around him: I have an urge for my seeds to spread my wyrm~

Io, gagging:

Fossor: What the hell, you two

Ebur: Not- not in front of my family, my love...

Io: literally traumatizing. What is wrong with them both

The rest is pretty much just VERY half assed future stuff and this is long enough as is 😐 So like. Yeah.

[thelreads]

Huh, I said I was going to ramble about my wip before then a whole lot of life happened and I promptly forgot about it. Well, not today, I say as I coordinate the testing of a loading bay for an inflammable fluid. Time to actually be annoying and scream into the void because I haven't had the energy to write in two weeks and I feel I'll explode if I don't.

I'll probably explode regardless but that's not important. But regardless feel free to ignore the massive wall of text that is about to follow.

...

This is a bit harder than I expected. Talking about something I have so clearly in my head and has lived there for the past 5 years is not as easy, especially when I rarely ever speak about it.

Huh, maybe I should start with the influences that lead me to write this, besides the angry prophetic messages from God I suppose.

Star vs the forces of evil. The first thing that comes to mind is Star vs the forces of evil. No joke, the first thing I wrote on the brainstorm was because Svtfoe had a concept that grasped me immediately, the idea of royalty having to crash on a commoner's house where they become friends and fall in love. That was insane, the potential it had was unparalleled, there was so many stories that could sprout from that alone, and I suppose that's where i began writing.

Sure, the initial idea was that, but the similarities didn't ran that far besides surface level. Things like non-human princess and somewhat grumpy, on the safe side human pairing non-withstanding. Well I suppose I could consider that the boy is also the equivalent of latin mixed? But that doesn't match, he's closer to Miles morales in that aspect, with a black father and a brown skinned mother. Also the girl isn't even blonde.

Speaking of which, you know something that always annoyed me in Darling in the Franxx? Besides the obvious that is. The fact 02 wasn't red. Like, c'mon man! Yes yes she wanted to look more human so she could find hiro, and all that, but nobody has any reason to actually exclude her for not being human. She is a person for all intents and purposes, even with her horns. They could easily driven the nail home about how no matter how much she tries to act and behave human, nobody will actually see her as one because she can't change how she was born, and then the story could make a point how the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant, and she doesn't need to be human to be loved and accepted by her friends.

I got into a bit of a tangent there, but it has a point I swear. What I mean is that when I was writing my wip this hang-up was still present, and I made the princess in question really not human. I went with half blood between human and dragon, in a world where Dragons are shapeshifters capable of becoming human. So I had to straddle the line between human and not human with details that could be easy to hide, but once known about couldn't be ignored anymore, things like sharp teeth, eyes with vertical pupils, slightly scaly skin and short but sharp nails, a tail, all things that one could hide with a piece of clothing or two, and then I made her albino, just to capitalize on that point I thought about Darling in the Franxx a few lines above. Considering we're talking about someone who came from a desert nation akin to Ancient Babylon or Egypt, since a great river is involved in there, having someone albino immediately outs them. I couldn't make her red since there are actually half bloods that are red, and they are between Humans and Sirens, but I digress. And I'll digress again saying that make her albino plays into the fact she's pretty much a ghost in the beginning of the story, almost never been seeing, but her mournful presence being felt by everyone.

Anyway, she I already had a general grasp, then came the human counterpart, who in looks I already could imagine, besides the hair that is, which is something that to this day I'm still uncertain about. No the personality was where I had to tweak. I wanted someone that was serious and dignified, the son of a proud and important family that was admired by all and looked confident in front of others but actually had a deep hole of insecurity in his chest. It's pretty funny that I realized later on when I started reading SxF that I accidentally predicted Damian.

Anyway. The plot. Like I said, I really liked the idea of forcing the situation where those two personalities need to inhabit the same place. I went with political conflict due to her inheriting the throne causing a civil war and forcing her to escape, and her parents sending her to the house of an old friend away from all that, which of course is the boy's father.

Well, now that I say inheriting I realize it isn't exactly like that, since I've made her homeland an Elective monarchy, where being the child of the current ruler won't necessarily make you the next ruler if you're not the best candidate. Also, I didn't want to make the story medieval, but I also didn't want a contemporary setting, so I settled with the middle ground of a Victorian-like scenario, which now that I think about is completely irrelevant since it's a written story, not a visual one, but I used it more as reference for technology than anything else.

My disdain for the world in this previous paragraph is a bit ironic considering that the world is the main antagonist in this case. The story about those two and all the other characters was about how they can't stand against the passage of time and change, and they need to adapt and survive the things that the world send their way or be swept by the riptide and drown. The world is too vast and complex, small ripples due to someone's action lead to unforseen catastrophes down the line and nobody is at fault, nobody can predict what's going to happen. The world is uncaring about them, so that's why it's important that they care about each other.

And they better do because I was bent on ripping them of everything they loved at any given opportunity.

You know, I started writing this shortly before COVID. And back then I already knew that a canon event in the backstory that would deeply affect everyone involved was a respiratory plague that killed a lot of people, and the ones that did survive ended up with lasting effects. whoops.

The other two characters in the story were actually survivors on both sides: one who lost his parents due to the disease, and the other who almost died and ended up with respiratory problems because of that, but yet she smokes due to self-loathing and self-destructive tendencies. Both of them are in love with the same guy, the insecure boy, and with each other as well, so it's a true love triangle with each of the people involved being in love but not being able to be with each other due to personal problems.

Also those two are extremely toxic childhood friends who feel only them are deserving of his love, so they keep anyone who's interested in him away with underhanded tactics. They are also my favorite characters simply due to the fact they act this horribly. Two people that feel nobody could love them clinging to the one person they feel is so much above them because perhaps he could accept them for their flaws, but the fact they worship and idolize him to the point of not caring about his actual feelings is what pushes them apart.

Lovely stuff. They could've been an OT3 in another universe.

Good lord did I ramble. Well, it was either this or staring at the blank page because I didn't had energy to write the story. Or do much of anything really. I might need a cup of coffee to see if it helps with at least rambling a bit more later on. If I'm not going to write I'll at least make it other people's problems as well.

[electricbluebutterflies]

stolen moments for jessica and leto?

Choice-era, PG-ish, also on ao3.

He shouldn’t be doing this right now.

Objectively, slipping away to spend a few moments with his partner and their child is not the worst thing Leto could be doing right now, but… it also isn’t on-schedule, and a particular meeting will start late, and-

He is allowed to decide his priorities, he reminds himself. The calm of his domestic life – calm that will not last but is appreciated while it does – is the most important thing in the world. It’ll be fine.

He had asked for everything and received; he asks for so little now, tempted to knock on the door, tempted to give warning in case his presence is unwanted, in case-

Before he can, it opens, and what a perfect sight. His partner, tired as ever but at least upright, their son resting in her arms, this quiet moment of hope manifested and-

“Do you need something?” she breathes.

Every day more reasons to love her, Leto thinks, every day more-

“Just wanted to see you. Both of you.”

She steps back, allowing him into her spaces, this room that wasn’t used for almost a year beforehand but now she nests, now she creates her own world. He is no longer the most important person in her life, not since the birth, but close second is still close and-

“You do have other-“

“Don’t remind me.”

She gives him one of her sharp looks, the kind he’s learned to expect whenever he does decide to prioritize her, and maybe she’d be calmer if that happened more often but-

They both understand the circumstances. He is trying, he would say if he thought she’d hear him out, and it is never quite enough, and she forgives anyways. Something deep in this cold woman wants to be loved, and something in him has found a way through her ice and thorns, and-

“Do you need anything from me?” she asks again.

They had routines, once, and now they do not. There will be no more… it’s only been a month, he hasn’t asked for her since, he’s tried to be respectful of her cocoon and her healing and-

“What might I ask for?” he replies.

“What might you want?”

Impossible woman, skies forbid she ever have actual preferences of her own instead of just-

“May I hold you? Just you, for a moment?”

She steps back and carefully places their child in the cradle before returning to face him, and he knows her stance, her uncertainty mixed with cooperativeness mixed with-

“You may.”

He takes half a step closer and oh he has been so cautious these last few weeks, ever since her fragility was made clear – her stubbornness is what it is, and he loves her for it, and she worries him – and even this seems like it might be too far, even this-

Their bodies still fit perfectly, and perhaps more of her weight rests on him than usual, and she hides her face against his shoulder as she rarely does and-

“Does something worry you, my storm?”

“I will not be difficult,” she breathes. “I will not be…”

“That does not seem like-“

“It is as if my heart has been separated from my body and given its own life, and the fear of it, and-“

“Jess-“

“Do you not feel the same?”

It is different for him, he thinks; there are two manifestations, the other currently clinging to him and pretending she’s alright and-

“Completely. Does my presence not make that clear enough?”

“You could just be avoiding-“

“That too, but-“

She kisses him – the first time she’s done that in a month, since overwhelmed emotions in aftermath – and he has missed her in ways beyond words, the slight softness of her when she wants something and-

“You don’t owe me this,” he murmurs against her lips.

“And I will not offer more, but… it has been strange to sleep without you, my love.”

“If that was not what you wanted-“

“I will never speak badly of your respect for me, but… I do trust you. I have given you how many nights and you have never-“

He kisses the side of her face, aware what this means for her, aware that basic decency works too well on her, and it’s been a while since they’ve had one of these moments and-

“It is strange without you too.”

“I would allow it. You never wake me, and-“

He can’t recall ever being in her spaces for such purpose – she’d all but abandoned this room until she’d found use of it again, some petty justification about his bedroom having a better window or something equally frivolous and easier to admit than her deeper desires – but if that is what pleases her, if-

“You could have asked.”

“That is not who we are.”

He wants to linger, wants to keep this moment forever, wants a great many things and none of them are ideal now and-

“Will you be alright if I-“

“I will. I would not dare to assume I am-“

Even this is not enough, somehow, even this does not make clear-

“You are my heart. Both of you. Never forget that.”

She takes another kiss and then breaks the embrace, two steps back and biting her lip. “Go… whatever…”

“I do miss you knowing my schedule more than I do.”

“And I do appreciate you breaking it for me, but-“

“The door will be unlocked in the quiet of night?”

“I would hope you would come to me earlier, but yes.”

He will do better by them, he thinks, silent promise as he carefully shuts the door behind him and returns to a much less interesting afternoon. Nothing else matters. Nothing else will ever matter more.

[raxistaicho]

Just on the topic that Sothis might magically reconstitute herself and do a bunch of Goddess stuff, including overthrowing Edelgard like her detractors seem to think she will, Fire Emblem Heroes gives some context on what is actually happening with Byleth, courtesy of Seteth.

Fallen Rhea: I believed that if I could resurrect

my mother... I could regain all that had been lost...

Seteth: Your mother? Lady Rhea, you know

full well that such a thing is

forbidden, and yet...

[Alphonse asks what is happening, Seteth explains Rhea's deepest most secreted desire is to bring Sothis back to life.]

Seteth: Day by day, year by year, that desire must have grown, but...it would be the greatest affront of all.

For it was Sothis herself who forbade any and all attempts to return her to life.

Is this the consequence of Lady Rhea’s attempting to break that stricture?

If so, her words can mean only one thing...

1. Seteth says that it was Sothis herself that told the Nabateans not to bring her back to life.

This means she knows it's possible and DOES NOT want it to happen. (I personally have a theory that Sothis was attempting to tell Rhea to become the next "Goddess" to lead Fodlan onwards as their protector and guide when she speak to her in the Holy Tomb before she meets Wilhelm. This would make sense as Rhea says that the name Seiros was given to her in VW, which seems confusing at first until you remember that her birth name is likely "The Immaculate One" or "The White One," in the same way Sothis' is "The Beginning," and Byleth "The Enlightened One." Seiros being a name that references Sirius/The Blue Sea Star and Sothis herself, along with the entanglement of the Crest of Flames and Seiros being the first and last tarot card numbers to actually appear in Three Houses. But I digress.)

2. Not only were the Nabateans told not to bring Sothis back to life, Seteth readily assumes that Rhea is being PUNISHED for attempting to do so. Obviously he's wrong, but it paints a picture of the person Goddess Sothis was and just how taboo this act is.

3. We learn later in this event that Rhea's degeneration is caused by her despair at not being able to resurrect her mother, which obviously matches the in game reasoning. (It also heavily implies that this is THE only thing keeping Rhea from degeneration. She has no other purpose left, which I feel is why she is so so strangely distant, distracted, and unreachable throughout the game. Sothis even criticises her lack of observation that lead to Solon's presence in Garreg Mach. Detachment is clearly not a trait Goddess Sothis would have tolerated in her children. The Nabateans are often hinted at being warriors or at the very least militant by TWSitD and the Shadow Library records, combined with Seteth's intense nature, Rhea's reactions to opposition, Seiros' actions in battle, and the combat oriented nature of Crests. They're all obviously caring, but in the Greek Pantheon/Old Testament kind of way.)

All of this is to say that it's not Byleth or Sothis' heart that "breaks" at the end of Crimson Flower, it's Rhea's.

She's begging and demanding Byleth give her mother's heart back.

We know Sothis is still around. Her essence is in Byleth's soul ever since they merged.

Sothis also says the Crest Stone is nothing but a decoration in every ending of the game, the thing has been empty ever since that point. The only thing keeping it around was Rhea's magic.

There's some heavy implication there that even IF Rhea had been able to retrieve the Crest Stone from Byleth, there wouldn't be a Sothis within it to revive.

Sothis herself didn't just put herself into Byleth, she very likely, and intentionally, made it impossible to revive her from that point onwards.

Now, obviously Rhea can die in SS, but that's also the route where Byleth chooses divinity, that doesn't mean the Crest Stone is still actually doing something when Byleth absolutely should have the Major Crest of Seiros as Jeralt's child. It's literally the X factor Rhea claims to be the difference in Byleth compared to the other vessels. Byleth herself might be keeping the Stone whole, not intentionally, but subconsciously. The same way we all beat our hearts.

Just some thoughts. Rhea is the only one who wanted Sothis back, including Sothis herself. I mean Byleth also wants that, but they get what they want with soul merged Ghosthis.

Also, if Sothis didn't want Edelgard alive, why the hell would she help Byleth wake up? Or bring the rain in CF, or allow Byleth the ability to run through these cycles at all, which her opening dialogue of "It is almost time to begin" and "Drift through the flow of time to find the answers that you seek..."

Considering the Black Eagles is the only route where greater context and knowledge actually enables you to alter the outcome, these quotes show an awareness of that fact. Especially since AM requires the LEAST knowledge of grander events.

Sothis supporting Edelgard and not wanting to be revived is also supported by how "To the End of a Dream" serves as a reference to Rhea's dream to resurrect Sothis, Sothis' constant sleeping, AND Byleth being "The End/Ending" to Sothis' "Beginning."

Sothis canonically, endorses Edelgard through her opinions, actions, foreknowledge/hindsight, and the meta of the game.

It's no mistake that VW and CF titles make allusions to dawn, waking, change and spring, while SS and AM reference night, dreaming, conservation, and winter. The game and Sothis both have a preference.

(Sorry for the essay, I got carried away. I have a lot of thoughts on all four of these ladies.)

Not at all, that was a really interesting bit of analysis! I especially liked point 3 and the point on Sothis acting against Rhea in CF. I broadly knew most of the details from Heroes, but I didn't quite know all the specifics, so I appreciate you sharing them.

[perilegs]

6 & 9 for Rook and Wyll !!

4,11 and 20 for Ati and Zevran !!!

KUUTTI IM SORRY I FORGOT YOU IN MY DRAFTS

thank you!!!! :3cc questions from this post

Rook/Wyll: Do they have any shared interests/hobbies? Do they ever do these hobbies together?

Hmm, Wyll's love for dancing rubs off on Rook and he'll teach them to dance too. :') Otherwise their hobbies tend to be different, but still something they can do in a shared space. Wyll and Rook could spend time enjoying each others presence, Wyll reading and Rook tinkering on something. (Wyll does pick up on some mechanical skills).

I think they like to play different board/card games together too. I have no basis for this it's just what I feel in my heart.

As for interests I can't think of too many that they both would have as they're more bound together by their ideals and values, and their love for adventure and eradicating what they deem evil. But I KNOW both of them are more than interested in hearing the other talk about their interests and get a bit into them too. Rook is such an elevator nerd, and I can see Wyll starting to appreciate their intricacies as time goes on too.

Oh, also! Wyll's tent has a telescope so I like to think he likes stargazing. Rook has spent most his live deep underground so he's never done that before, but it's definitely something they would enjoy too, so I think that's a hobby they'd also do together!

Their hobbies and interests also shift with time as, they're going to the Hells after the events of the game, but they might eventually settle down to live a quieter life.

Rook/Wyll: What is one quality they have in common?

They want to do what is just in quite a, hm, I guess ruthless way? That sounds bad but I mean things like how Wyll is one of the only companions who suggests killing Kagha. Both Wyll and Rook have a strong moral compass and aim to punish those who do wrong.

Ati/Zevran: How would they describe each other if asked? Physically? In personality?

Answered here

Ati/Zevran: Does one act as a narrative foil to the other? How so?

Not sure if this is a Foil Foil but it's definitely a contrast, but. Zevran and Ati are both dead but living.

As in, how Zevran trying to assassinate her was a suicide mission, and he is now living despite never planning on doing so.

And how grey wardes start dying the moment they become wardens, a fate which Ati ended up in only because the other option would have been death, but faster. And after that, she has avoided death many times. Being saved by Flemeth, doing Morrigan's ritual.

Zevran is supposed to be a dead man, living a life he did not intend to see, and Ati got a second chance at life at the expense of a timer looming over.

I'm also using this question as an excuse to compare their mothers as what is a foil but contrast to heighten certain qualities.

Ati and Zevran were both born with no parents, their mothers dying in or shortly after childbirth. They were both raised communally, but in highly different circumstances. Zevran with the women in the brothel and Ati with her clan. They both had a similar circumstance of birth but the people and place they were born to made all the difference. Ati was allowed to grow up, whereas Zevran was forced to.

I find it heartbreaking how Zevran's only memory of her mother is a pair of gloves, and how he refers to her as his first victim. Ati didn't even learn the truth about her mother before she was an adult. Zevran's mother's death was held against him, while Ati's was kept from her.

I wish I could be more eloquent and go in depth about this but I will start crying if I do ha

Ati/Zevran: What is their best memory together?

It's hard for me to answer this question as I can't even imagine having just one memory that shines above the rest with someone I love. Ati and Zevran have a ton of good memories they look fondly upon.

But one I've been thinking about a lot recently is, well, not just a singular memory but a collection of memories from their nights in camp during the blight.

Wynne has dialog where she complains about noise coming from the two, which, is supposed to be understood as Zevran and Ati having loud sex but some years ago I saw a post here that referred to it that boiled down to "what if it was laughter?" And I think Ati and Zevran have had a lot of fun together.

They share stories, both those they've heard and of what they've seen. Zevran teaches Ati how to better use daggers. They share their notes on traps and poisons. The list goes on. Though the Blight is looming over them, a lot of their nights are filled with joy and laughter.

[tweehearted]

Magazine pages from Yasuyuki Okamura’s debut

+ translations

“In 1987: a singer to look out for– Yasuyuki Okamura”

An ideal type of guy: It's safe to let a girl who says she wants a kind and artistic guy to fix her, after experiencing love about a hundred times. The type is a girl who appears cold at first but is actually a good person. It's better to deal with someone like that after becoming more mature. In 1987, a beautiful egotist stirs up the world.

More pages and manuscripts under the cut ~

Appearing larger on stage is an extremely important talent for musicians. Superstars like Mick Jagger, David Bowie, and Bruce Springsteen are all just a little over 170 centimeters, not particularly tall by Western standards. However, on stage, they appear larger than life. When we saw Okamura before us during this photo shoot, he seemed much smaller than the stage image, despite being 178 centimeters tall. Yet, on stage, Okamura appeared like a giant, almost 190 centimeters tall. His debut happened on the massive stage of the Budokan, where he showcased an unusual presence for a newcomer. What will happen when his confidence and popularity as an artist further develop?

Debut Q&A

Q1: what is the origin of your name? I don’t know

Q2: date and place of birth? August 14 1965, Kobe

Q3: height, weight? 178, 58

Q4: Family structure? father, mother, younger brother

Q5: what were you called as a child (nicknames)? Pink Panther or Yacchan

Q6: Hobbies or pastimes? Long phone calls

Q7: Favourite sport? Basketball

Q8: favourite food? Egg

Q9: food you don’t like? Salad that has fruit

Q10: favourite colour? purple and black

Q11: Blood type personality? Type B, cute guy, but narrow-minded

Q12: Average hours of sleep every night? about 4~6 hours

Q13: what do you wear when you sleep? nothing

Q14: average amount of money spent every month? not sure

Q15: what do you spend it on? also not sure

Q16: If you could buy anything, what would you buy? Love

Q17: the thing you want most in the world right now? Love

Q18: the most important thing to you currently? Love

Q19: do you have any weird habits? I don’t know what you mean…

Q20: are you superstitious? nope

Q21: what is attractive in a girl? when she says things like “I like you” I go crazy

Q22: what would an ideal date be? Disneyland

Q23: tell me, how do you pick up girls? I’ve never actually made a pass at a girl before.

Q24: when and where was your first kiss? I'm not going to tell you.

Q25: Were you shocked? maybe.

Q26: what do you say when you get rejected? “if you leave me, the meaning of my life disappears”

Q27: has love ever made you cry? maybe.

Q28: what would you do if you were born a woman? I don’t know

Q29: what do the women you like wear? anything sexy (in my opinion)

Q30: who do you admire? Seiko Matsuda and Jack Nicholson

Q31: who is your rival? Akina Nakamori

Q32: the saddest thing that happened after your debut? nothing!

Q33: the happiest thing? when I went to the record shop and my own song was playing

Q34: what would you be doing if not music? I don’t know

Q35: the first record you ever bought? Beautiful Sunday

Q36: if you could only bring one record to a deserted island, what would you take? My own.

Q37: most watched TV programmes? Sanma no Manma (a chat show)

Q38: a role (in TV or a film) you would like to play? the role of a person in love

Q39: a place you’d like to visit? a girl’s room

Q40: have you experienced a severe injury or illness? no

Q41: memories of childhood pranks? I was a stupid kid, so I never thought of ever doing that.

Q42: Somebody who you can’t forgive? somebody who’s phony.. Well, not really.

Q43: if you could leave only one thing in a time capsule? a video of myself

Q44: what will you be doing in 5 years time? I’d like to perform all around the world

Q45: if there were 3 minutes until the end of the world who would you call? a girl who loves me

Q46: Finally, anything you want to say? Listen to “OUT OF BLUE”

Yasuyuki Okamura’s debut at the Budokan: “I want people to take the title 'YELLOW' in their own way when they hear it”

With his debut between last year and this year, it is safe to say with no exaggeration that Yasuyuki Okamura is one of most promising newcomers in the music industry… The interest in his work was sparked by him providing songs for Misato Watanabe and Koji Kikkawa among others. His first stage appearance was at the Nippon Budokan, shortly after the release of his debut single “OUT OF BLUE” (EPIC Sony). Despite the unusual format of a guest appearance at the public radio event, it was a success from the outset. He acted like a “show-off” but had a kind of “star” glamour.

“A debut show at the Budokan is something you’ll never experience again, and it’s a very special experience. I’m interested in doing more shows, because many people lack showmanship: the spirit is the best sense of the word.”

Okamura’s long-awaited debut album “YELLOW”, released in March, had been in the works for 10 months. Apart from some assistance with lyrics and arrangements, the music is all his own, self produced. In fact, this was apparently the reason for the album’s delay in completion.

“I was originally going to have someone else to write the lyrics: but when I did, the words didn’t really suit me. And so I wrote my own, I worked very hard but I can’t just leave it to someone else. If you don’t sing what you think, or what you think about yourself, you won’t inspire any affection for the song itself.”

His songs are filled with a quiet anger. In the flood of modern information and world affairs it sounds like a cry of “I won’t be fooled.” The problems plaguing the Middle East and famine in Africa are all sung about on an everyday level, transmitted through the brown noise of TV. However, there is a strong sense that the message is not being said out loud, but rather it is internally understood. “I don’t mean to sound like another 60s douche, but I’m not sure what I can even do about it. So naturally I have to be a bystander… There are a hundred different ways to receive the news, if that is the case, then it’s not for me to tell them to do this or that, but rather to leave it to themselves to understand. The title of the LP is “YELLOW”, I want everyone who hears it to take it in any way they want, so that’s why I gave it this title. It’s vague but I think it comes across well, though.” For example, the track ‘Water Bed’ on the LP interpolates The Beatles’ ‘Strawberry Fields Forever’ lyrics.

Yasuyuki Okamura will hold a one-man concert at Shibuya Public Hall on 22nd of April.

Images source: https://twitter.com/Limited_Night_/status/1241929114879025152

[silverloreleysfanfics]

A fix-it/post canon one-shot for TTEOTM, slight crossover with LBFAD. It's unrelated to my other idea, which is much bigger and will take a lot of time to be developed.

I wrote this in a single sitting, no edits, no beta, which is very not like me, but I had to get this out of my head so here it is.

Enjoy! Li Susu had started to go the border of the Mohe river when she found out she was pregnant. She didn't know why, it just felt like the only place that gave her some solace.

Or, perhaps, it was because of his words.

Tantai Jin had been afraid he'd be forgotten, that his love would have been forgotten, buried in the stories that would feel more meaningful in the centuries, stories of war and kings and gods, with not enough space for minor loves, no matter how important that love may have been.

How silly of him. As if Susu would be able to forget. As if the world had not been changed by his extreme act of compassion, an all-encompassing love that mutated the All-in-Distress Way into something purer and bright, that became the greatest peace the world had ever seen.

The child had been a surprise. Susu doubted he could have imagined it, how the Bo're life he made for the two of them would have not been fake at all, that it would have had this lingering, tangible, tie.

That the evidence of his love, not for the world, but for Susu and her only, would have been this real.

Susu was grateful, from the very first moment, the instant she discovered that little presence in her belly was a joy she didn't think she would have felt, not after losing him.

And so, Susu had been getting ready, he godly body allowing her to live the slow and long pregnancy with serenity and calm.

Apparently, godly babies took long time to develop and even longer to grow, Susu should have expected it since her diedie had told her how long he had to wait for her egg to hatch.

It gave her time to arrange quite a lot of things before her daughter was born, such as explaining everything that had happened, in truth, to the sects, and put in line Gongye Jiwu, and so forth. She also took the reins of the Demon Realm, which was not the sunken Barren Abyss anymore but a land on its own she could rule as the rightful queen of the deceased king.

All while hoping he'd come back soon. That he didn't lie, that he'd be there, by her side, once again.

But, in the end, when A'mi was born, it was just Susu to greet her.

Yet, that birth felt like a true new beginning. After all the tears and blood shed in their story, for tears and blood to mark the beginning of their daughter's life felt like Susu too was born anew.

Later on, with her newborn daughter in her arms, Susu had gone to the Mohe river, just the two of them.

There would be time, later on, to introduce the little princess to her kingdom, this was just for the three of them. Susu, A'mi, and Tantai Jin. Even if he wasn't there but in spirit, that little remainder of him closed tight in the scale near her heart.

It was dusk when Susu found in herself the will to move from the stone she had been sitting on. She had been unable to say a single word, just basking in the scenery, with all the love of her life tucked close to her chest.

Night fell quickly, and worried the child may feel chilly, she moved to leave, although her melancholic heart would have wished to stay some more.

As if answering to her longing, the night started to lit up, stars in the sky, fireflies from the grass.

Fireflies.

It was the first time Susu saw any near the Mohe river. It felt special. A gift, like the one a young emperor had once given to his wife.

The memory almost brought her to tears. Almost. Susu had promised herself she'd be strong for her child and cherish the memories without falling in despair over them.

She kissed her daughter's forehead and got ready to leave.

It was then that she felt something.

No, someone.

Susu turned towards the direction she felt the presence of. It wasn't hostile, in the slightest. It felt warm and bright, giving off the same sense of fulfillment and peace she had felt when she ascended and met the old gods.

Soon enough, a figure appeared: a woman, round-faced and beautiful, with long silky hair falling down her back and decorated by a complex golden crown of flowers and vines on top of her head, similar to the ones around her shoulders and waist, only decorations of her pristine white flowing dress.

She was smiling, just faintly, as if wanting to soothe her pain with kindness.

"Hello, Li Susu, it's nice to finally meet you"

"Who are you?"

"I'm Xi Yun, Goddess of Xishan"

Susu's eyes went wide. Weren't all the Gods dead? Wasn't she the only one left?

"I understand your confusion, Li Susu" Xi Yun said, apologetic "I'm sorry, I couldn't help you before"

"Why?"

"As long as you were a mortal, your Fate had to reach its completition, or you would have had to start all over again. Now that you're a Goddess, I can finally offer my support"

"I thought all Gods were gone"

"The old ones are" Xi Yun replied "I'm a new one as well, just like you, only a few centuries passed since my awakening, more for you, less for me. Time runs differently where I live"

"I don't understand"

"It's an ancient story. When the old gods perished, the rest of the Immortals left Shangquin Realm and moved up, in the heavens, founding the Immortal Realm of Shuiyuntian, separated from the fates of the mortal world for good. There already resided the Xilan clan, with their Goddess, a humble minor deity, one of the few left, along with Siming, Arbiter of Fate, and the potential to create a new God of War. When the Xilan clan fought and trapped the Evil God Tai Sui, the Goddess of Xishan perished and only her daughter remained. It would be too long to explain you all that followed, just know I am that daughter, I ascended to godhood a few centuries ago"

"I see" Susu nodded in acknowledgment "It's nice to know I'm not as alone as I feared"

Xi Yun's smile became a little sadder "I'm sorry you had to go through that alone, it was a terrible trial. That's why I'm here, I have to tell you something important"

A'mi chose that moment to complain, the cold of the night getting to her. As if moved by instinct, Xi Yun hovered her hand over the child, the baby blanket, plain until then, covered with a design of vines, orchids, and tiny moons.

"It's not much, but now this cloth will always shelter from the cold and ward off illnesses. I'm a deity of healing" she added, like an afterthought.

"Thank you"

Xi Yun shook her head "It's nothing, I'll bring a better gift next time we'll see each other. Today, I'm here to talk"

"I'll listen, then"

"The nature of True Immortals is unique. The old gods were True Immortals, therefore they could pass to the other stage of existence. So are we, you and me, and a few others. Your daughter too, with time, will become one" Xi Yun paused, then looked up "A True Immortal never fully dies. The Devil God was one of us, whether we like it or not, and since Tantai Jin absorbed its essence, he became one as well"

"Are you saying...?"

"If he stored his primordial spirit somewhere, even a small part of it, and didn't move to the next stage, he'll return"

Susu thought of she scale, the one containing his version of the Bo're life, in which there were his memories and wishes. The scale that was always warm, often coated by a shimmering that made it seem alive.

"How can you be certain?" she nevertheless asked, fearing to raise her hopes too soon.

"I saw it happen. My husband did the same, he sacrificed for me to destroy Tai Sui. I had to wait 500 years for him to come back to me, but he did, all thanks to a tiny soul vessel he left behind. Before that, it was the same for me, for I had unknowingly left a part of me in his heart and he was able to bring me back, with care and patience. True Immortals never fully die, Li Susu, this would go for you as well. I daresay it already happened"

"That's why you're here? To give me hope?"

"To help. A lot of energy is required for a True Immortal to come back, accumulate so much cultivation may take centuries, millennia even, in normal conditions. I'm here to offer my home, Xishan, which is rich in power, to help you bring back your husband sooner. It's the least I can do"

"Will there be a price for it?"

"You'll have to leave this world for a very long time. As I said, time runs differently in the Immortal Realm, mere hours there, are years here"

"How long do I have to decide?"

"All the time you want, it's an open offer, Li Susu, I'll never take it back" she gently took Susu's hand and made a little object appear on the palm, a tiny golden orchid "Call for me when you're ready"

And with that, she disappeared, leaving Susu alone with A'mi and her thoughts. There would be things to settle, people to warn, arrangements to make, but Susu didn't have doubts, she would accept Xi Yun's offer. No place in the mortal world had enough energy to bring him back, and the idea of waiting thousands of years just to see him again was unbearable.

She'd have Tantai Jin back sooner than later. She owed it to him and to their daughter, they deserved to know each other and be the family they needed.

§

Xi Yun greeted her with open arms and a kind smile. Her home in Xishan, she explained, was a replica of her shifu's palace, Simingdian, which her husband Dongfang Qingcang had rebuilt for her after her rebirth, a perfect replica, down to the number of flowers in the garden.

They had many similarities, Xi Yun and Li Susu, the stories of their loves filled with common traits.

It made Susu feel less alone, understood in depth. When Xi Yun told her of the moment she had to sacrifice her love for her duty towards the world, Susu finally was able to cry out the bitterness she had held onto until then, the betrayal she had felt when she realized Tantai Jin had lied to her and intended to die alone and for good.

In the end, Xi Yun begged her to call her with her old name, Xiao Lanhua, for her friends and family called her so, and Susu felt the need to ask for her whole story, now that she had the time to hear it. Xiao Lanhua insisted to hear hers too, in exchange, and Susu found out that was something she desperately needed.

They shared memories, exchanged experiences, became friends. Susu never had true friends before, her sect siblings were intimidated by her, as Ye Xiwu she didn't have close connections, just Pian Ran and only for a very short time. Pian Ran, Susu said, was almost a sister, and maybe they would have become sisters for real, since Ye Qingyu had loved her so much, but death had come for both Pian Ran and Ye Xiwu, and they never met again.

Susu had never been able to mourn for Pian Ran until she had been in Xishan, and Xi Yun had helped her with that. The fox demon wouldn't reincarnate, or so they thought, until Xiao Lanhua came back from the original Simingdian, the one in Shuiyuntian, with a bright smile.

"I found her destiny book" she explained "She'd just started her tribulations, her fate is still tied to that of Ye Qingyu"

"How?"

"Fate has its ways" was the enigmatic reply. Xi Yun refused to elaborate, but the knowledge was enough to soothe Susu's heart.

§

The scale that held Tantai Jin's primordial soul shimmered in the daylight and glowed at night, constantly fed with energy coming from Xishan's sacred ground.

A'mi was eternally fascinated by it, trying to reach it with her tiny hands every time Susu went to check on it with her daughter in her arms.

When the first century passed, and A'mi started to talk, she'd blabber endlessly at the scale, as if she knew her father was listening.

Susu never talked to it, instead. She intended to keep her promise and say everything she had to once he'd be back to her.

§

Sometimes, Susu left Xishan and went back to check how things were in the mortal world. Nian Baiyu and Yue Fuya, who had married decades before, took great care of both the Yiyue tribe and the Demon kingdom in her absence. They were always happy to see her, but had learned not to ask about the return of her husband.

Spending time in the mortal realm without A'mi, wasn't a problem, given how differently time ran, A'mi barely realized her mother was gone, even more so when Xiao Lanhua and her friends kept her occupied and cared for.

But soon, it was Susu that wanted to take A'mi with her. The mortal realm and the Demon kingdom were hers, as much as Xishan was pleasant to live in, they'd eventually come back to that, and A'mi was supposed to know her roots. Gongye Jiwu had frowned when he had first met her again, after the war. He had listened, he had even apologized, owning his mistakes and misconceptions. She had never quite forgiven him, but he had matured greatly and, when Susu finally brought A'mi with her to the immortal sect, he had been the most kind and generous uncle there could be.

They had visited the tombs of both her father and uncle, that day, and Susu allowed Jiwu to speak about them to A'mi, who listened with the same rapt attention she did when Susu talked about Tantai Jin.

It was when Susu realized she had been talking about him to A'mi as if he was dead and would never return. When she realized she hadn't given herself permission to truly hope for his return. That she had buried him in the tombstone he had carved for himself and decided not to believe in his lie, even if his lie could become a truth.

That night, when she and A'mi went back to Xishan, Susu went and apologized.

The scale glowed a little warmer, kindly, a nod of forgiveness.

"I'll be waiting. Just come back. Please, just come back to me" she pleaded.

It dimmed again, saddened. Perhaps, he didn't believe in it enough either.

It was fine, she'd believe in it for the both of them.

§

Another century passed. A'mi became a toddler, a mischievious one hard to keep in check, and she always, always, went to see the scale whenever something new or exciting or sad happened to her.

Susu had met everyone in Xiao Lanhua's family, in the meantime, especially the Yuezun, Dongfang Qingchang. He was a silent, almost scary person, who turned into a real softie whenever in his wife's presence. They were nothing but sweet with each other, even their occasional bickering felt affectionate.

Susu almost envied them, if not for the fact they were evidence she could have a future like theirs too.

"The hardest time was the waiting" he told Susu, unexpectedly, one day. They had never talked much, he wasn't a man of many words, so it surprised her.

"I was always worried I would do something wrong, that she would be lost to me forever" he turned to look at Xiao Lanhua playing in the grass with A'mi and the kids Jieli took with her, and smiled "Things fell into place, in the end. They always do, with enough perseverance"

Then he just left, as if he hadn't just tried to give her courage.

Susu appreciated it, nevertheless, and turned to the scale.

"You'd better move, Tantai Jin. I'm getting tired of doing everything on my own, here" she scoffed.

Somehow, she could tell he was grinning.

§

A'mi was much more independent as of late, a real source of trouble, so Susu accepted all the help she was offered to exhaust the little troublemaker until night fell and she could be tucked to sleep. That day, the programme was for her to join Jieli's kids up the mountain for a lesson about birds and other small animals that lived in Xishan.

Obviously, A'mi loved animals, to no one's surprise she could communicate with them with ease, a trait she was very proud to share with her father's tribe.

What Susu didn't expect, was for her daughter to come back from the little trip with a large raven perched on her shoulder and no intention of sending it away, no matter her mother's horror at the idea.

It took the better part of an hour to convince the small girl that ravens weren't supposed to live in houses and they could play everyday even if it lived outside, on the trees near the palace.

"This is your fault, Tantai Jin" Susu pouted in the end "She's more stubborn than you"

The scale glimmered a bit.

"Ah, we will see how you'll control here once you'll be out of there, you hear me? This will be your problem too"

The proud glow around the scale didn't dim for the whole day.

§

It was night, A'mi was sleeping soundly, the raven perched on her windowsill in silent watch.

Susu couldn't sleep. Every time she tried to close her eyes, she had nightmares of their worst moments. The night she whipped him when he didn't deserve it.

The time she accused him of being unable to change when he had just defended himself. The moment she pierced his heart with the Heart-Shattering Nails and he had looked at her with such pain and betrayal, yet love, the same the imbued his despair later in the prison and then again when, five hundred years later, she had rejected him and denied them a future she too wanted.

The day she killed him, his face so serene despite it all.

She got up in tears and went out, grasping for air.

It wasn't the first time it happened, it was a recurring thing, just like she used to have flashbacks of the extermination of her sect brothers and sisters, of her uncle and father, back before her time trip.

Oftentimes, Xiao Lanhua was there, ready to help, but that night she was in Cangyanhai, as it was fair, next to her husband, and Susu ached more than ever, guilt and pain and grief shattering her from the inside and she thought her heart would break all over again, just like that night in the crypt, when she had seen the tombstones.

"I want to believe. I do. But you make it so hard," she chastized, her sadness morphing to anger in a moment "Why did you have to lie? Why couldn't you just tell me you didn't want to come back? Why you must be so cruel?"

She let herself fall to the ground, looking up with tear-filled eyes at that piece of nothing she had left, a mere handful of memories and some lingering warmth that could or could not morph back into a person.

"Are you even trying? Or did you give up on us?" she asked in the end, voice broken.

She didn't give herself the chance to read a reaction that could be only in her imagination - wishful thinking and nothing more - and left.

§

And then, then, it happened.

Just not in the way anyone expected.

The scale simply fell to the ground, not held mid-air by the combined power of Xishan and its own cultivation. Dimmed and empty, it clattered on the wood underneath its centuries-old resting place.

Susu's blood froze at the sight.

It wasn't supposed to happen like this. This wasn't supposed to happen.

Xiao Lanhua had come back as Xi Yun in a flurry of flower petals and light, emerging from the orchid her husband had taken care of.

Dongfang Qingcang had morphed from the Bone Orchid Moon back into existence in a quick flash, an immediate thing, instant and sudden.

Neither their vessels had just emptied like that.

With trembling hands, Susu knelt on the ground and picked the scale. It was cold and unresponsive.

Susu blacked out, her only focus on that shred of hope lost, the tiny bit of a once great dragon that, just like Ming Ye's true body at the bottom of the Mohe river, had dissolved without trace.

For an eternal moment, she couldn't speak or even move, didn't hear or see anything.

Then she heard A'mi's high-pitched squeal and shot up in alert, motherly instinct surpassing even her bone-deep grief.

She ran to the direction of her daughter's voice and then she realized it wasn't in pain or fear: A'mi was laughing, filled with cheer and glee.

Susu's running heart fell at once, and then picked back up, much stronger, at the sight.

For a moment, she thought she had fainted and hallucinating, then A'mi called for her.

A'mi who was in her father's arms, both smiling with such similar expressions that Susu chastized herself for never having noticed. Perhaps because A'mi smiled a lot more than Tantai Jin ever had the chance to.

"I don't think you're going to need that old thing anymore, my wife" he grinned, nodding towards the scale she was still grasping in her hand.

"I really hope so, husband, for your own good" was her reply.

She ran down the stairs and he caught her with his free arm by the waist, then leaned his forehead on hers.

For a long moment, it was only them, head to head, breathing the same air, sharing warmth, and then, only then, Susu allowed herself to believe it was real.

With a pleased squeal, A'mi hugged both their heads, and Susu couldn't but laugh and rise an arm to hug her back, clutching both her most beloved people close to her, as much as she could.

She was never, ever going to let them go, she swore.

§

Xiao Lanhua had been ecstatic to finally meet him, and Tantai Jin thanked her for the hospitality and help.

He had some perception, from inside the scale, so he knew and felt most of what happened outside in its immediate vicinity, it turned out.

Then, Xiao Lanhua had offered to leave the place for the little family to themselves for a few days. She was supposed to attend her duties as Yuezhu, anyway, and she'd come back with everyone to celebrate later on.

"I'm happy for you, Susu" the Goddess of Xishan said "But I'll also be sorry when you'll leave"

"The advantage of being True Immortals is that we have all the time and all the power so see each other again" she replied.

Xiao Lanhua nodded and smiled, then turned to leave.

Like an afterthought, she came back and whispered "If you need me to take A'mi with me at some point, you just have to call me"

Susu's face reddened, but she nodded and both laughed and said goodbye.

§

Putting A'mi to bed that night had been a huge ordeal, she was so excited, had so much curiosity and things to tell to her father and had all the eagerness to hear him reply, reply for real, that it was impossible to calm her down.

Eventually, they caved in and let the child stay in her father's arms until she fell asleep, while all three were sitting in her bed.

"You'll have to put her down, sooner or later" Susu pointed out.

"I have a few centuries to make up for, just let me hold her a bit more"

"Why, do you plan to die again?"

"Depends, do you plan to kill me again?"

They looked at each other and realized it was just too soon to jest about it. He looked away first.

"I had no other choice, and neither did you"

"I know" she slumped by his side and leaned her head on his shoulder and pouted "Still, I'm going to make you pay for doing this to me"

"I look forward to it" he whispered.

"You!" she jumped up, then realized she almost woke her daughter and lowered her voice, although the indignation was still there: "I didn't mean..."

He feigned innocence "What did you mean, then?"

She slapped his arm and both chuckled a bit, then she leaned back again.

"You were right, Li Susu, I took too long"

"You're here now, it's all that matters. Don't do it again"

She could feel his smile in her hair, just before he kissed her forehead.

"Okay"

It felt like a promise, but with him, Susu could never tell. She'd have to be fine with what she had, the few certainties she had.

The three of them, together.

Anything else, they could handle.